*You are in a courtroom where Nitsuj is on trial*
(Bailiff): All rise for the honorable Judge Sopa.
*Everyone rises as Judge Sopa enters the room and enters the judge’s box.*
(Sopa): Thank you. Please be seated. Today’s case is the Bronies vs Nitsuj of Project Nitsuj. Mr. Nitsuj please enter the witness box.
*Nitsuj enters the witness box*
(Sopa): Mr. Nitsuj you stand accused of heinous acts against the Brony community. Crimes such as being nothing more than a hater who makes fun of MLP: FiM, its characters, fanbase, morals, themes, teachings and is biased when talking about it. How do you plead?
(Nitsuj): Not guilty. I consider myself to be a fair and unbiased reviewer your honor. Even if it’s something I hate or don’t like I review and critique it in an unbiased way.
(Plaintiff): Ludacris! Throughout the year Nitsuj has done nothing but make harsh comments about MLP: FiM. Saying nothing positive about it whatsoever. Even his assistants have insulted the show with one of them even knocking out one brony at the mall.
(Nitsuj): In Seras’s defense your honor he did kind of provoke her and I did have her apologize for her actions and I am proud to say she graduated anger management class with flying colors.
(Plaintiff): Nitsuj himself has also physically attacked a brony within the span of one week.
(Nitsuj): What! No I haven’t.
*The wannabe biker comes in wearing a body cast*
(Nitsuj): Him? This guy’s a brony?
(Plaintiff): Terry here has been a brony for 4 years now. Surely you noticed all the signs?
(Nitsuj): Now that you mention it.
*Nitsuj remembers seeing a tattoo of Fluttershy on his left arm, Rainbow Dash’s cutie mark on his right arm, a sticker of Twilight on his bike, and the ringer for his cellphone was the theme song of MLP: FiM.*
(Nitsuj): I just assumed he was a furry.
(Plaintiff): I rest my case your honor. Nitsuj is nothing more than a hater who has no respect for bronies or the show and treats them both as nothing more than jokes.
(Nitsuj): Just because I make fun of a show and its fanbase doesn’t mean I hate the show. Even though I don’t consider myself a fan of MLP: FiM I do respect the show, its writers, creators, and VAs. The show does have good lessons, likable characters, and manages to work in some good humor.
(Plaintiff): Why don’t we put it to test then? Have Nitsuj review all the seasons of MLP: FiM.
*The crowd of bronies cheer agreeing with the plantiff*
(Sopa): Order! Order!
*Crowd settles down*
(Sopa): A good idea. A very good idea. Having him review the show would be a good way to prove he’s not a hater. If he can do that than I will absolve him of his crimes.
(Nitsuj): You can’t be serious? Your honor how am I supposed to review a show I have no interest in whatsoever? That’s totally unreasonable.
(Sopa): Well then, do you admit to being nothing more than a hater and a guilty verdict?
*Nitsuj begins to sweat and shake a little*
(Nitsuj): I. . .um. . .I-
(The Reaper): Objection your honor! I have a different proposition to this case.
(Plaintiff): Huh? Who are you? Where did you come from?
(The Reaper): Okay one, rude. Second, I’m Pandora Chaos Reaper, Nitsuj’s lawyer for this trial so stand up straight when talking to me. Third, I’ve been here this whole time.
(Nitsuj): I’m pretty sure he’s actually tortured one of you guys by now.
(The Reaper): Not yet I haven’t. I mean of course I haven’t tortured anyone nor do I plan to torture anyone. *Laughs* Don’t use the third stall in the men’s restroom. Anyway your honor. Permission to approach the bench and present my proposition?
(Sopa): Permission granted.
*The Reaper approaches the bench*
(The Reaper): Your honor forcing Nitsuj to review a show he has no interest in won’t get the point across it’ll instead make him care less. Not to mention we already have tons of bronies online reviewing the show so hearing his thoughts on the show won’t bring anything new. Therefore, I propose we have Nitsuj review the one thing all the fans are torn between: the movies. Have Nitsuj review the movies while answering the questions bronies have about particular scenes and characters in the movie. That should satisfy both parties your honor.
(Sopa): Hmm~, yes. Interesting. Very well, Nitsuj, on my orders you are to review the three movies of MLP: FiM while answering the questions of the audience. And of course it must be a fair and unbiased review.
(The Reaper): Well master what do you say? Can you do it?
(Nitsuj): Yes. I think so. Reviewing the movies sounds a lot easier than reviewing the entire show. Okay, let’s do this.
(Sopa): Very good. I await your thoughts. Starting with the first movie Equestria Girls.
(Nitsuj): Alright I’m gonna be honest with you guys. This is actually the first time I’ve ever seen the movie but from what I’ve heard the majority of the fanbase liked it. The movie came out in 2013 many years after the last MLP movie came out in theaters and is set between seasons 3 and 4. Equestria Girls was meant to compete against Mattel’s Monster High toys and no I’m not going to review those movies if anything I care less about those movies than I do MLP. Let’s see why friendship is magic and take a look at Hasbro trying to make a quick buck. This is Equestria Girls.
So the movie starts off with the main 6 (Plaintiff: Mane 6. (Nitsuj): That’s what said main 6. (Plaintiff): No it’s mane 6. Like a horse’s mane. (Nitsuj): Couldn’t I just call them the main 6? (Plaintiff): No! (Nitsuj): Ugh~ fine) and Spike arriving at the Crystal Empire for the princess summit where are new princess Twilight is still a little nervous about her new position and still not used to being a princess (well you haven’t done anything yet. Scene here: https://youtu.be/lKqMx-bS9dw, does anybody else wanna see a crossover between MLP and Transformers? It’s totally possible). They settle in for the night where Twilight is still worried about her new position as princess saying that even though she’s an alicorn (I hope I spelled that right) it doesn’t make her leader material (you’re right. It just makes you cooler than everyone). As they’re sleeping someone sneaks into Twilight’s room and steals her crown (great security. Maybe I’ll sneak into the palace next time and kidnap Celestia seeing how easy it is. *Courtroom cheers* Thank you. Scene here: https://youtu.be/3Hz-Zpa0JAE). Celestia tells them that the person who stole Twilight’s crown was a pony named Sunset Shimmer a former student of Celestia who when she didn’t get what she wanted left Celestia and pursued her goals (apparently becoming a crown stealer. Business must be very slow for her). As to where she went with the crown she went into an alternate dimension which opens every 30 moons (I have no idea how long that is in human time. (Brony): It’s about- (Nitsuj): I don’t care~). Twilight must travel to this alternate world and get her crown back otherwise the elements of harmony won’t function anymore and Equestia will be left defenseless. She has to do it alone on account of the others might upset the balance of the other world (that’s the reason why the others can’t follow? Couldn’t you come up with a better reason like they have to stay behind for defense? Yeah it sounds cliché but it makes more sense than this whole upsetting the balance thing. The balance is already ruined with a talking pony entering another world so I’m sure a few more won’t hurt) and she has only 3 days to do it before the gate closes and she’s stuck in that world for another 30 moons (well sounds like the writer was a fan of Majora’s Mask). Twilight enters the mirror and Spike (being the loyal dragon that he is) follows after her where they arrive in this new world with different appearances (scene here: https://youtu.be/aeiocDvFewg. 0:12: How does she know what a dog is? 0:21-0:25: Oh you’re fine you’re just in a fanfic. Also, you gotta love how Spike is staying calm in this situation). So yeah they’ve entered our world (or a world that’s a cross between The Simpsons and Doug) where we see the first issues people have with this movie. When everyone saw the trailer for this movie the first thing that popped into their mind (as well as mine) was Doug which made them upset. Why I have no idea. You gotta remember it wasn’t the animation in Doug that was terrible in fact I don’t think anybody complained about the animation, it was the lackluster and bland characters that bought this show down. Another problem everyone was complaining about is Twilight being a teenager. I was always under the impression that Twilight and the rest of the main 6 (Plaintiff: Mane 6) were teenagers. I mean the show never hinted they were kids nor fully-grown adults. I always assumed they were between the ages of 16-21 and Equestia’s education system just worked differently from ours. When you’re dealing with fantasies and fiction it’s best not to apply real world logic until the author establishes it or drops hints that real world logic works in the story. The final problem everyone has is with the designs. Twilight and the others are bit anorexic and yeah I can’t deny that. They’re also a bit cartoony in their movements and facial expressions. Normally I wouldn’t mind but we’re dealing with human models here not pony models. Seeing a human move in a cartoony manner just looks weird and offsetting. I’ve also heard people say the designs of the major 6 (Plaintiff: That was on purpose. (Nitsuj): Maybe) are a bit too “sexy” for children. What were you expecting they’re competing against Monster High of course they’re gonna fight fire with fire and go with the Barbie figure to win the audience over.
After calming down they notice that they’re right outside a school called Canterlot High (ugh~ come on) which they mistake for a castle. They enter the school where Twilight discovers she can’t use magic in this world and finally sees what she looks like. We then get our first song of the movie “This Strange World” which is a strange song because it’s actually sung like an inner log (like Tarzan) instead of being sung by the actual character (does this school have no dress code? Everybody wears whatever they want?). After the song Twilight meets this world’s version of Fluttershy (scene here: //youtu.be/aoTFnwyjIIE. Okay a few problems with this scene. First off, the school is ruled by one girl? That’s ridiculous. Second, is anybody else a little disappointed in Fluttershy’s appearance? I don’t know this might be the otaku in me talking but I was expecting more of a shy petite cute girl appearance for her. She looks like someone who would be on the cheer squad). So Twilight goes to the principal’s office where she meets Celestia who says that the crown is being kept safe by vice-principal Luna (for the love of God please say Discord is the school’s guidance counselor) and asks Twilight if she’s interested in running for prom queen (*chuckles* where the fuck did that come from? No seriously she just straight up asked Twilight if she wanted to run for prom queen. No lead in no explanation she just straight up asked her). Rather than just tell Celestia that the crown is hers she instead decides to enter the poll for prom queen (and how does she plan on winning? Scene here: //youtu.be/TH8yT3doasI, good enough for me let’s do this). When Twilight tells Fluttershy what she plans to do her reaction is anything but supportive (scene here: //youtu.be/5JTkegcSidI. 0:56: We call them hippies. (Sopa): Agreed *bangs gavel*. (Nitsuj): Also, personal space Pinkie personal space. Finally, how did Sunset Shimmer read that horrible hand-writing of Twilight?). The two girls have a face off in the dark hallway of the school (I remember those spots from my high school. What? You didn’t have one. Ha, your school was lame) and Shimmer sends Snips and Snails (what, no puppy dog tail?) to spy on Twilight and see if they can get any dirt on her. And after this scene she takes a backseat in the movie. Now this leads to one of the major downfalls of the movie. This movie was written by Meghan McCarthy who many consider the main writer for the series. Now Meghan is an excellent writer as she really does a good job developing the characters and making them stand out. Case in point Spike, who is one of the most poorly written characters on the show. In the show it seems that the writers aren’t sure how to write him so he either comes across as a childlike dragon always causing trouble or a witty mature dragon who serves as a good advisor for Twilight. In the movie he’s a pretty awesome character with some good lines and jokes that makes him come across as mature and thoughtful. So Meghan’s good at writing and developing characters however she has two weaknesses in her writing. One is romance which is understandable and we’ll get to that later and the other is her villains. Her villains aren’t bad per se, they’re just basic (kind of like old school Disney villains. They’re just evil to be evil). She never goes much in-depth about them so we never get an idea of what they’re really like. Like for example why is Sunset Shimmer so evil, what caused her to go down this path, how and why did she come to this dimension, how did she take over the school so easily, and what kind of villain is she, comedic or serious? Just a lot of questions unanswered. We know she’s a pretty bad person as the whole school is afraid of her but a little more depth into her character would have helped make this character standout more.
Realizing she knows nothing about this world Twilight and Spike go to the library to see what they can learn. When it’s time for the school to close Twilight realizes she has no place to stay but Spike’s got her cover as he’s created a bed made entirely out of books for her (that is so sweet. It’s gonna be uncomfortable but it’s still sweet). In her research she manages to find a yearbook where she sees that the rest of the fabulous 6 (*Plaintiff tries to attack Nitsuj but gets restraint by the bailiff* Did I say something wrong?) were all good friends in the past but something happened which drove a wedge between them. Twilight believes Sunset Shimmer had something to do with it and decides to handle that problem tomorrow (sleep first. Crown later). The next day comes and we see that the school is laughing at Twilight (it’s the hair isn’t it?). She gets pulled to a room and put in a disguise by Rarity (be careful Spike may try to dry hump up your leg. Don’t pretend you didn’t think that the first time you saw this movie). The others (minus Rainbow Dash) come in and show Twilight a video of her online acting like a pony which is why everyone is laughing at her (Scene here: //youtu.be/BcBnvBofJPI, this is cyberbullying). The girls than begin to argue amongst themselves until Twilight tells them to stop and shows them their freshmen picture of them all being friends (good times. Good times). They finally unravel all the lies which drove them part which was the result of Sunset Shimmer sending them all fake e-mails and messages (really? It was that easy? Their friendship was ruined by a bunch of fake messages that they never confirmed with each other? They never questioned the integrity or character of each other?). Twilight tells them to make-up and convinces Applejack to go talk to Rainbow Dash (wait I just realized something. Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, Rarity, Applejack, and Rainbow Dash. What’s up with these names? I mean in Equestia it works for them but in human form it just sounds weird. I mean what parent out there names their child Pinkie Pie? That’s practically begging a child to get picked on) where the two talk and make-up rather quickly (scene here: //youtu.be/F51cgqNFjWc?t=1m17s, I got the determination but I don’t know where the heart comes in? Also, it’s time to confront another issue some people have with the movie. Rainbow Dash. A few people have commented on Rainbow Dash being flanderized in this movie and yeah she is flanderized somewhat as she says the word awesome in just about every scene she’s in. I wouldn’t be surprise if the VA got an extra buck every time she said it. Also, some people don’t like the way she’s dress saying it doesn’t match her. I think it matches her personality well. Rainbow Dash is a tomboy, she’s not afraid to get rough and tough and she’s quite athletic. Yeah she’s a wearing skirt but she’s got leggings underneath it and shows us that even though she’s a tomboy she’s still a girl at heart. In my eyes she’s basically that cool girl you knew in school who you enjoyed hanging out with and often wondered what it would be like to date this person). After getting Rainbow Dash to join their party they go to the ice cream parlor to come up with a plan to counter the video where Twilight runs into Flash Sentry (scene here: //youtu.be/XOQtz-lp-1Q?t=5s, oh boy, I knew this was coming). Remember how I said Meghan had two weaknesses in her writing? One being villains and the other being romance? Well this is what I was talking about. Now I know what you’re thinking: “What? The awkward talking? That’s common in all relationships”. True, but try dealing with it throughout the entire movie. Yeah, Twilight and Flash are always in the awkward phase with each other and they never get pass that phase. You would expect their relationship to develop a little throughout the movie and have a full conversation with each other but no it’s just the awkward phase with these two and nothing else. Another problem with this relationship is Flash is incredibly bland. This guy really has no personality of his own. He’s basically what Bella from Twilight is for girls. A skin for bronies to put on and be in a relationship with a member of the super 6 (Plaintiff: I swear to God I will punch you). After that awkward meeting the girls sit down and come up with a plan to counter that Twilight video (dress up as Sunset Shimmer and shoot a sex video) where Rarity gets an idea (reverse the script and sing a song telling everyone who you really are). This leads to the cafeteria song the next day which is hands down the best and catchiest song in the movie (scene here: //youtu.be/A4WLuR70ZO4). This song seems to get everyone to forget about the Twilight video and rally around her (again, was it really that easy?) but Sunset Shimmer isn’t gonna give up that easily. She has Snips and Snails (still no puppy dog tail) trash the gym where the dance will be held and pins the blame on Twilight using photocopy to make it look like she did it. She gets sent to the vice-principal’s office where she’s about to be disqualified for running but Flash comes in to reveal evidence that proves Twilight’s innocence. So Twilight is still allowed to run for prom queen (that’s good) however the party will have to be moved back a day which means Twilight will miss her deadline to return to Equestia (that’s bad). This causes her to panic and duck away in a dressing room (don’t question it) not sure what to do. Spike tells her to tell the others the truth saying that they’ll help her no matter who or what she is. So just as she’s about to tell everyone the truth Pinkie Pie pretty much sums it up for them (I don’t know if she’s a genius or if the girl is just spouting off fanfiction). Naturally no one believes this until Spike finally talks (hey you see a talking dog you’ll believe just about anything anyone says. Scene here: //youtu.be/P2M2H-QP6JQ).
After accepting Twilight as a princess Hasbro’s ponies (Plaintiff: Oh come on! He’s not even using 6 anymore) return to the school gym and begin cleaning up (scene here: //youtu.be/RmT-aVA6kyg, so physical labor does bring people together). With the dance back on and everyone voting for Twilight the girls get ready for the dance (you can buy all the dolls at your local Toys R Us). Everyone goes to the dance (looking nice) where Twilight promises a dance with Flash (boy that’s gonna be an awkward dance. Robot boy and pony girl dancing the night away while the moon drops down from the sky killing us all. Oh wait sorry wrong story). Twilight wins by a landslide but Sunset Shimmer still has a plan. She has Snips and Snails steal Spike and lure Twilight and the others outside where she’s waiting with a sledgehammer for them (oh shit it’s about to get real up in here. If you guys wanted a PG-13 rating all you had to do was ask). Actually she’s planning to destroy the portal unless Twilight gives up the crown and she has to decide quickly because the portal will be closing in less than an hour (I want you remember that line because it’s going to make the last minutes of this movie stupid). Twilight refuses to give the crown up and this results in a scuffle for the crown with Sunset Shimmer getting the crown and transforming into the most ridiculous monster I’ve ever seen (scene here: //youtu.be/6EqJd5oApEw, she looks like a poor rip-off of the Gargoyles. Also, her plan is to take over Equestia with a bunch of teenagers? You’re gonna send unarmed teenagers to fight against a bunch of trained ponies who know magic? Oh this’ll end well. Need I remind you that the person you’re trying to overthrow sent her own little sister to the moon just for causing trouble? Imagine what she’s gonna do to you. Scene here: //youtu.be/OsEJ1Sc0kV4?t=2m23s, O_O what the hell did I just watch? The girls just transformed into half humans half ponies and then Sunset Shimmer turns into nothing more than a whimpering girl who just wanted to be a princess. Fail). Twilight gets her crown back and she has that dance with Flash (where an hour passes by and she gets stuck in our world for another 30 moons. This resulted in the spin-off show Equestia Girls. Which you can watch on Discovery Family, Youtube, or any other online streaming site. Nah just kidding that would be the realistic ending. She dances with Flash and has plenty of time to return to Equestia. Scenes here: //youtu.be/Mpf0Km-FY-Q and //youtu.be/ymXdDR1uKn4).
So that was Equestia Girls and. . .it’s a pretty good movie. No I’m serious. In all honesty from a non-brony perspective this was actually a good movie. The story is pretty good even if is something out of someone’s fanfiction. The characters for the most part maintain their same personalities they had from the show although some can be a little flanderized. Spike was very well written in this movie. This is the kind of Spike I like to see in the show. Writers of MLP: FiM use this Spike in the show from now on. It has some pretty good lines and jokes that manage to get a good laugh out of me and it does a good job showing us why Twilight will make a good princess in the future. For the most part the songs were good although I wish they would have had the characters sing the songs instead of it being sung over from someone else. It almost seems like the creators weren’t sure if they wanted to make the movie a musical or just a regular movie.
Now there are few problems with this movie. For starters the villain. Sunset Shimmer isn’t bad but like I said before she’s pretty basic and we don’t get to see or learn that much about her. Her plan makes no sense and was doomed to fail from the very beginning. The romance between Twilight and Flash isn’t really all that good or interesting. While it’s better than the last time Meghan wrote a romance story it’s still a pretty bad romance development wise with Flash being a bland character. I have no problem with any of the characters getting in a relationship. If anything I actually encourage it, I think it’ll lead to some interesting stories for the show. But please make sure the characters are interesting and have a personality where they can stand on their own. The animation can be good at times but at other times it can be too cartoony with the characters invading personal space and a few facial expressions that look weird. Finally, the movie has a good first and second act but by the time of the third act the movie takes a major downfall and falls apart showing all of its problems.
The final score for Equestia Girls is a 6.5/10. Despite a few problems here and there and the third act falling apart the movie is still good with likable and enjoyable characters from the show everyone loves, good comedy, enjoyable songs, and addresses some the issues fans had with Twilight becoming an alicorn. While I’m not a brony nor a fan of the show I will admit the movie is a good watch. One with faults but still a good watch nonetheless.
*Crowd cheers for Nitsuj*
(Sopa): *Bangs gavel* Order! Order!
*Crowd calms down*
(Sopa): Excellent work Mr. Nitsuj. You did a good job in your review. You reviewed it fairly, said good things, addressed some of the problems people had with it, and even managed to make us laugh.
(Nitsuj): Thank you your honor it’s what I do.
(Sopa): Indeed. But don’t get too cocky you still have two more movies to review and I assume you haven’t seen them yet.
(Nitsuj): No your honor I have not.
(Sopa): Very well. Case will be put on hold until next week to give you time to rest and review the other movies. Until than you will be placed under house arrest while also under strict watch. If you so much as attempt to run away or assault any more members of the brony community you will be persecuted to the full extent of the law. Understood?
(Nitsuj): Yes your honor.
(Sopa): Than cased dismissed for the time being *bangs gavel*
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