Hello and welcome to Project Nitsuj.
*Nitsuj gets up and runs out of the room and out of the house. He goes next door to the Jack Brothers’ house and barges his way in.*
(Jack Frost): Nitsuj?
(Nitsuj): Jack Frost. Pyro Jack. Perfect. Close the blinds.
(Pyro Jack): What’s going on here?
(Nitsuj): It’s Isis. She’s out to get me.
(Jack Frost): Isis? What you do this time?
(Nitsuj): She has heard of me reviewing Attack on Titan and now wishes to do a crossover review with me. But I won’t let her. This review shall be handled by me and only me. So I need to use your secret room so she won’t find me is that okay with you guys.
(Pyro Jack): Yeah I guess.
*Pyro Jack walks to the book case and pulls a book which causes the bookcase to move and reveal a secret passage way. Nitsuj and the Jack Brothers walk down the stairs and reach a door which leads to a TV room where Isis is waiting on the couch for Nitsuj*
(Isis): Hello master. I’ve been expecting you.
(Jack Frost): Sorry Nitsuj. We had no choice.
(Pyro Jack): She arrived here about two hours before you and threatened to turn us into next year’s Halloween decorations if we didn’t cooperate. Well, have fun reviewing you two.
(Jack Frost): We’ll be up stairs if you need anything and help yourself to the fridge.
(Pyro Jack): You kids play nice now and no spin the bottle.
*The Jack Brothers leave as they laugh up the stairs*
(Isis): Come master, have a seat. Let’s start the review.
(Nitsuj): *Whimpering* Welcome to the review you’ve all been waiting for Attack on Titan. With special guest Isis.
(Isis): Greetings, I am Isis. Today we’re reviewing the greatest anime to come out in 2013 Attack on Titan. Based off a manga series written by Hajime Isayama in 2009 and still continuing to this day, Attack on Titans simply asks the question what would happen if Jack and the Beanstalk were on steroids. You get as epic a tale as you can imagine as humans fight for survival against these monstrous giants simply known as Titans. Ever since it’s released this anime has made headlines all across the world winning awards and even being shown on Adult Swim. Yes, this anime is quickly becoming the Dragonball Z of this generation. The anime was created by Wit Studio (Hoozuki no Reitetsu) and was the first anime to be created by the new studio which was originally founded in 2012 as a subsidiary of IG Port and was directed by Tetsurō Araki the director of Death Note and Highschool of the Dead. So, you ready to see if you’re the pray or the hunter? You done moping master? (Nitsuj): Yes. I’m ready. Let’s do this. (Isis): This is Attack on Titan.
Opening and Ending Theme
(Isis): The opening for this anime is “Guren no Yumiya” by Linked Horizon. (Nitsuj): This opening is epic and I can’t stop listening to it. The opening feels you up with adrenaline and makes you want to go out and kick someone’s ass. You felt invincible when you listened to this song. (Isis): On top of that the opening animation matches up perfectly with the song showing off the intensity and excitement of the show. We the character’s struggles and hardships that they face but at the same time we see their determination to fight, live, and take back the world that belongs to them. (Nitsuj): The ending for this anime is “Utsukushiki Zankoku na Sekai” by Yōko Hikasa. It’s a sad and beautiful song told from the perspective of the female lead. (Isis): The opening was all about excitement and getting you prepared for the series while the ending calms us down and feels us with sadness that the world is like this and we have to fight in order to live in this world. But despite this situation the world according to the singer is still beautiful because we have people we care about and love.
(Isis): The anime begins in this post-apocalyptic world (Nitsuj: Did you really think this could happen in modern day Earth? (Isis): Shut up) where we meet our main character Eren voiced by Yūki Kaji (Issei from Highschool DxD) as a young boy napping in the fields where he has a nightmare of the events to come (Nitsuj: He’s psychic). He wakes up from the dream to the sight of his adoptive sister Mikasa voiced by Yui Ishikawa. The two gather wood for their house and make their way back into the huge wall which protects them from a titans where they come across some guards drinking and playing around. This upsets Eren who says they should stay on guard in case the titans break through the wall (he really is psychic. (Nitsuj): Or he could be a jinx. (Isis): Yeah that too). But the guards laugh it off saying that the walls are far too tall for the titans to break through and in the past all they’ve done is just claw at the wall (like a couple of drunks who’ve had too much to drink). After that we find out that Eren has dreams of one day becoming a scout of the military and journeying outside the wall finding something better (Nitsuj: Disney Princess. Give him his big song number about wanting more out of life) but Mikasa and his mom are against it as they don’t want him to die. His father a renowned doctor on the other hand is impressed with his resolve to change the world and leaves for a few days to tend to patients inside the interior of the walls (that’s where the high class live) but before he leaves he promises to show Eren what he’s been working on in the basement once he returns (Nitsuj: Better be a nuke). After his dad leaves we meet Eren’s best friend Armin voiced by Marina Inoue (Laura from IS) a guy who uses his head rather than his muscles to win battles but at the same time hates himself for being weak and relying on his friends to save him all the time (scene here: //youtu.be/B9xpaW6gt0A). After saving him, he and Eren talk about how everyone is settling for fleeting security and how the walls won’t protect them forever (then came the storm. Scene here: //youtu.be/hv2QyEtwcHE, this is the part where you start panicking. Also, for those of you wondering at home 50 meters is about 164 feet tall). So the titans with their troll faces break through the wall as everyone panics (Nitsuj: Well mostly everyone. Scene here: //youtu.be/2mrLCq6BTKc. (Isis): That did not happen and you know it. (Nitsuj): Wait! Before you show the next scene I’m gonna put this up for safety: //youtu.be/Kl0WQq9uCWw. That’s right folks, for the first time ever on the show I am putting up a viewer discretion warning. I have watched H.O.T.D, Deadman Wonderland, Tokyo Ghoul, Hellsing Ultimate, and other gory anime and this is the anime that forced me to put up a viewer discretion. Don’t say I didn’t warn you. Scene here: //youtu.be/xPw3GyTfJ3g).
In episode 2 Hannes gets Eren and Mikasa at a safe distance where he apologizes for being a coward and not saving Eren’s mom (Nitsuj: Well you should be dammit! If you had taken your job seriously from the beginning this whole mess might have been avoided). He then takes them to the a section of Wall Maria which has a canal which leads into Wall Rose the second wall (followed by Wall Sina which is the third wall and reality which is the fourth wall). He puts them on a boat and it sets sail into Wall Rose leaving a bunch of people as dinner for the Brock Lensar titan (Nitsuj: Here comes the titan. Scene here: //youtu.be/D0vnFRx2JUs). As the ship sets sail Eren vows to one day return and kill every last titan out there (a genocide on the titans). Once inside Wall Rose we see that there’s a famine and food is pretty scarce. Eren refuses to eat the food saying he doesn’t want to be a parasite on society (too late for that) so Mikasa forces him to eat the loath of bread that was given to him (did I mention Mikasa is my favorite character in this anime? (Nitsuj): Same here. She’s badass). The refugees were put to work in the fields in the hopes of yielding crops but that planned failed. After a year those who were old enough to join to military were forced to join the military and sent out in the hopes of reclaiming Wall Maria from the titans (they’re sending amateurs to fight against the creatures who stole their homes and killed their loved ones. (Nitsuj): It’s all for the greater good: //youtu.be/N_q2wBzT6uU). Armin’s dad was one of the refugees sent out to fight and he was one of the many refugees to die. Eren finally decides that next year he’s going to join the military and Mikasa and Armin decide to join him on his quest for vengeance. A year passes (Nitsuj: Where they grew and mature fast) and Eren and the others are now cadets in training camp.
In episode 3 we meet the group’s drill sergeant Keith Sadies who breaks the group in and we meet a few of the new characters (Nitsuj: Yes. We should know the names of the people the titans are gonna eat. Scene here: //youtu.be/YJvEo5mDgLM, *laughs* look at Keith’s face throughout his moment with Sasha. He can’t comprehend her in the slightest that he finds her fascinating. It’s as if he’s wondering is this person on drugs or something or am I being messed with). After that not much really happens. Eren earns some credit with the other cadets when they find out he saw the Colossal and Armored titan (scene here: //youtu.be/cQF8jbXA0Zg, Jean back away now. She is out of your league. She will break you). We see the cadets train with the ODM gear where they have to balance themselves while being suspended on cables. Mikasa handles it no problem (because she’s awesome) but Eren has trouble balancing on it. He gets help from two fellow cadets named Reiner and Bertholdt who come from the country and who also came face to face with the titans just like Eren in their village. However their situation was worse as they had no prior warning to the titans’ arrival. It just happened (like a teacher giving you a pop quiz in class). They train Eren at night and the next day Eren tries once again where Keith discovers something interesting about Eren’s belt (scene here: //youtu.be/kgmQmScdpv0).
2 years have gone by in episode 4 and the cadets are doing survey training in the field. This is where they fight titans using that cool ODM stuff (scene here: //youtu.be/21cUhqmGi98, alright we got a good idea of who each character is. They’ll make a great team). We get more training segments where Eren and Reiner try to teach Annie a lesson (scene here: //youtu.be/84Q12YECtuM. (Nitsuj): Most impressive. You could learn a thing or two from her Isis. (Isis): Master, there’s something on your pants. (Nitsuj): Really? Where? *Nitsuj gets up to inspect his pants only to get monkey flipped by Isis* (Isis): I think I’m covered in that department. (Nitsuj): Ohh~. I have no witty retort for this. That was just awesome). While Eren strikes out with Annie he has better luck fighting against Jean (Nitsuj: But then again Jean really isn’t a threat if you were to ask me. Scene here: //youtu.be/URrDpkCVHHo). After that intense moment it’s graduation day (or night) and the cadets are given three paths to choose. They can choose to join the Garrison which guards the wall (Nitsuj: And when no one’s looking takes a piss off the wall and spit on unsuspecting people), the Scouts (Nitsuj: Where the stupid. I mean crazy. I mean insane. I mean suicidal. I mean brave) go out and fight the titans in their territory, and the Military Police who guard the king inside the inner most wall (Nitsuj: And live the good life). However the Military Police position is only available to the top 10 students (why not top 11? Because they don’t like to go one step beyond). (Nitsuj): Actually this begs a question that’s been bothering me for some time. Why have the top 10 students be military police? If it was up to me I make all of them scouts because they’ve proven to be the best fighters and humanity needs the best fighters fighting on the frontlines to minimize casualties. (Isis): You make a good point master. Anyway Eren and Mikasa are in the top 10 (with Mikasa being ranked number 1. God she’s awesome) and Eren decides to join the Scouts and Armin and Mikasa join him as do a few other cadets and top students inspired by his bravery and determination. Before their graduation they’re all assigned to guard a wall (where the storm comes again. Scene here: //youtu.be/R-7UZzHvfPU).
(Nitsuj): Episode 5 starts off with Eren trying to take down the Colossal titan by himself while everyone stands there too afraid to move (like a deer in the headlight. Scene here: //youtu.be/wgJlpghxTMc, how the hell do you lose track of a 50 foot tall no flesh monster?). So after the Colossal titan somehow vanished into thin air (Isis: He’s Batman). Everyone gets prepared for the upcoming titan attack now that there’s a hole in the wall and they have no way of sealing it (all these years and they never learned how to make cement). The new cadets are sent to the frontlines to defend the city with Eren and Armin being put in the vanguard as reinforcements and Mikasa in the rearguard to help in evacuating citizens (save the strong and leave the foolish to die). Before going into battle we get a flashback to Eren and the others in class learning about titans. It turns out these things have no reproduction tools (thank God otherwise this whole anime would be awkward to watch), are all males, and apparently don’t need to eat humans to survive they’re just eating humans for the fun of it (that’s a little sadistic. (Isis): It reminds me of you playing RPGs and going back to the first area of the game to own all the monsters who gave you a hard time. (Nitsuj): Hey! Those bastards had it coming). They also seem to be impervious to pain and can regenerate even when their heads get blown off (//youtu.be/FYFcT9sDSBs?t=55s). However they do have one weakness their necks. If Eren and the others can use their blades and make a deep cut in the nape of their necks the titans will die no problem. After the flashback Eren’s troops get called in to fight (to victory~. Scene here: //youtu.be/Kqi7DIhk27w, to death~. Actually in all seriousness the fear in everyone’s eyes in this scene is amazing and realistic). As Armin is being swallowed by the titan (Isis: Taste like coward) Eren manages to pull himself up and saves him (scene here: //youtu.be/mlHwscYwNl0. Ohh~, //youtu.be/7tClSJgMDF8).
At the start of episode 6 Connie comes along and manages to break Armin out of his trance of seeing his best friend die (Isis: Wasn’t even worth eating in the eyes of the titan). He then goes to find Mikasa and tell her the bad news all while talking about how pathetic, worthless, and weak he is and how humanity is doomed to die (Isis: Well he got all Shinji on us quickly). Back with Mikasa we see just how badass she is (scene here: //youtu.be/PrPGtwo0KIU, by God I love this girl). After that for the rest of the episode we just learn about Mikasa’s past and yes it is quite sad (scene here: //youtu.be/cY9QKab0y40, man this was pretty messed up). So because of this experience Mikasa came to see the world as a cruel place and in order to survive you have to fight (Isis: If you’re weak you die and if you’re strong you live. As they say in Rurouni Kenshin). But according to her despite the world being cruel she has a place in it because of Eren (who is currently being digested in the stomach of a creature who looks like Santa).
Not all that much happens in episode 7. Mikasa goes to help the vanguard and along the way we discover that the surviving squads are stranded with the titans because they’ve run out of gas for their ODMs. This causes them to lose morale and the closest supply depot is overrun with titans (//youtu.be/Vau2hG22DoQ). Mikasa meets up with the remaining vanguard and finds out what happened to Eren (scene here: //youtu.be/FZRaO1vaA9I). Mikasa takes the news surprisingly unfazed by this and tells everyone she’s going to retake the supply depot herself (or go down dying like a motherfucking badass. Scene here: //youtu.be/pPDx0PkM904). Once Mikasa runs out of fuel a titan appears and is about to kill her with her totally okay with dying (Isis: And her badass points just fell drastically) however her body moves on its own and continues to fight keeping her alive (Isis: The mind says to die but the body says keep going). This inspires Mikasa to get up and fight again but as she’s about to fight another titan appears and does the unthinkable (scene here: //youtu.be/qOPnGTMgZ1Y, damn! That titan didn’t kill the other titans it destroyed them).
In episode 8 Armin wants to use the rogue titan to clear out the supply depot (oh hey when did hell freeze over?). Connie thinks he’s crazy while Mikasa is totally on board with the plan (Isis: What could possibly wrong? You know, besides it turning on them and eating them). While that’s going on Jean and the rest of the vanguard use the distraction of their dead comrades to make it to the supply depot (scene here: //youtu.be/oV33AoljO-c) where they find survivors hiding underneath the desk (you sons of bitches! We just experienced hell out there and your hiding under the tables like a bunch of high school kids about to makeout? Give me a reason not to have Isis shoot you. (Isis): I want to shoot the one shaking. (Nitsuj): They’re all shaking. (Isis): I know). Mikasa, Armin, and Connie arrive shortly after them with the rogue titan who’s going on a rampage outside with the other titans (Isis: You kids play nice now alright). While that’s going the group works out a daring plan to retake the supply room from the titans (scene here: //youtu.be/iedPsRd6uL0). After they reclaim the supply room we see Marco tell Jean what a great leader he is (well there’s a ship if I ever saw one. (Isis): I for one hope it sets sail) and they head out with the episode ending on a shocking note (scene here: //youtu.be/IGb-2fFV6nY, oh my Goooooooooooooooooooooood~, I saw this coming).
(Isis): In the first half of episode 9 we start with the Recon Corps taking out titans in another town while being led by their fearless leader Levi (who next to Mikasa is the second most badass character in this anime. Scene here: //youtu.be/bxEG-PyeORw, ohh~ that boy. (Nitsuj): By the way that’s Law from One Piece doing the voice of Levi. There’s just something about Hiroshi’s calm voice that makes these cool badass characters seem all the more cool and badass). After that we return to Eren where we see exactly what happened to him after he got swallowed by the titan (scene here: //youtu.be/67Nd7ipMqjE. Eren mad! Eren smash! Get revenge on titans). Eren has no recollection of this and is now staring down at a troop of Garrisons who are scared out of their minds of him and are prepared to kill him. Mikasa and Armin are by his side (where nobody seems to want to tell him he transformed into a titan and curb stomped a titan to death as well as killed one with no arms and just his teeth) and they asks Eren what he is (scene here: //youtu.be/x2ErcYdU8KY, well his human statement went out the window there. (Nitsuj): He can’t be the titan. I’m the titan *gets up and bites hand trying to transform*. (Isis): Oh please, you couldn’t even turn into a super saiyan. (Nitsuj): Come on damn it change! *Roars* Oh forget it. *Bites hand again and tries to transform* I really did it once *sits down*. (Isis): No you didn’t. It was all just a fever dream you had *Isis pets Nitsuj’s back as he tries to transform again*. You almost had it there).
Episode 10 is Armin’s turn to shine. After Eren transforms and saves them from the cannon fire he lets off steam and covers the whole field in fog. The Garrison stay on standby and wait for the fog to clear to decide their next move while in the fog Eren says he’s going to make a run for it back to his hometown and figure out what his father was working on in the basement (Nitsuj: Well obviously not a nuke). However Eren has a second plan and that’s putting his trust into Armin and convince them that Eren is not a threat. Now this really speaks volume to Eren’s character. He is literally putting his life in the hands of his friend who up until this point in the anime has done nothing but appear weak and useless (except for episode 8 with his great plan to reclaim the storage room). Not to mention this character has suffered with low self-esteem issues. Well Eren has rolled the dice let’s see if all ends well (scene here: //youtu.be/TatVW6AYSps). So they get saved by Pixis commander of the south Garrison and all around eccentric old man (Nitsuj: Sounds like Stan Lee). He sides with Eren and the others and guarantees their safety and he wants Eren to use his titan powers to seal that hole in the wall which will allow the troops to reclaim the southern part of Wall Maria.
Not much to say about episode 11. Pixis wants to use Eren’s titan power to seal the hole in the wall and in order to do that Eren must lift up a giant boulder and seal it while avoiding titans and trusting everyone else to defend him and watch his back (even though they themselves have no hope). When Pixis tells everyone his plan they all think he’s crazy and walk away until he gives a powerful speech which brings everyone back (scene here: //youtu.be/VdzoacdMLAg, (Nitsuj): Man that animation was cool with Eren and Mikasa swinging in the air).
(Nitsuj): The plan goes into to motion in episode 12 and already it fails because Eren tries to attack Mikasa (what the hell man?) and knocks himself out falling into a dream world (//youtu.be/6OxKDKJJoXI). Despite Eren screwing everyone over Pixis refuses to call off the plan and the elite troops defend Eren until he gets back up (Isis: And because Mikasa gave them the lazy eye, //youtu.be/0WLCSHoc4ZM?t=5s). In another part of the fight Jean gets stuck in the town because his gear malfunctions on him so he’s forced to take cover in a house for safety (alright dumb titans find the Jean). When Armin hears about Eren collapsing he rushes over to him and tries to snap him out of the dream world (Isis: Or Matrix if you will, //youtu.be/qjBRNqwDPrU) by talking about Eren’s dream to kill all the titans in the world and see what’s beyond the wall (also wanting to bang Mikasa is an added bonus. (Isis): Really? (Nitsuj): Oh can it you know he wants to bang her. You’ve seen the way the two argue there’s clearly sexual tension between them). It takes a few minutes but Armin manages to wake Eren back up and get him his feet again (Armin has been really cool these few episodes).
In episode 13 Jean grabs the equipment from a dead soldier and with the help of the other cadets is able to escape to safety (he lives to fight another day). Just then they all hear the ground shake (earthquake? (Isis): No. Eren-quake. (Nitsuj): . . . you really just did that? (Isis): Shut it. Scene here: //youtu.be/zhxvYtjPqdg). After the hole is sealed Armin and Mikasa try to recover Eren where they get surrounded by titans and saved by Levi and the rest of the Recon troops. After that a joint effort between the Garrison and the Recon is put into effect where they wipe out the remaining titans with cannon fire and with swords. After that there’s than the clean-up and counting all the casualties (scene here: //youtu.be/Jk2jmY-dQW8). Back with Eren he wakes up in a dungeon chained to a bed (oh boy we entered a doujin. Is Mikasa gonna come in wearing a dominatrix suit next?) where he gets questioned by Levi and Erwin of the Recon. They know about his titan powers and know that the key to finding out what he is lays in his old home. The question they want answer is what Eren intends to do from now on to which he replies he wants to join the Recon and kill every last titan (well said). Levi likes his answer (if anything I think it turned him on a little bit) and takes Eren under his wing as the newest member of the Recon.
(Nitsuj): Well this looks like a good place to stop for now seeing as how the next episode is a special recap episode which isn’t worth reviewing.
(Nitsuj): Plus, I think I figured out how to turn into a titan again. I need to put myself in danger.
*Nitsuj hops up on a table and falls backwards where Isis tries to catch him and they both fall to the ground with Isis somehow being on top of Nitsuj*
(Isis): What? How did I get on top of you when I was trying to catch you?
(Nitsuj): Godlike falling skills at work. By the way this position is quite provocative.
*Isis blushes a little but then notices something in a nearby plant*
(Isis): Wait a minute.
*Isis gets off Nitsuj and goes to the plant to find a hidden spy camera with a mini mic*
(Isis): Oh ho. Those sneaky bastards. Master we’re going to continue this review at our house. Why don’t you get something to eat and I’ll be over shortly. I want to personally thank the Jack Bros. for letting us use their secret room.
*Nitsuj sees the devilish smile and aura on Isis and knows that she plans to harm them*
(Nitsuj): Alright. Have fun. I’ll have a meal waiting for you when you get home.
(Isis): Thank you master.
*Isis rushes up stairs and goes after the Jack Bros. firing off bullets and everything. Nitsuj heads up shortly after her and sees her chasing the Jack Bros. through the house as he walks out casually*
(Nitsuj): Well that’ll keep her occupied a little. Thanks for reading and I’ll see you next time on Project Nitsuj as more Attack on Titan continues.
To be continued