Project #239: Valkyrie Mermaid

Hello and welcome to Project Nitsuj and welcome to my new temporary headquarters for the time being the Jack Brother’s house. Who have been great hosts so far allowing me and the AIs to live here free of charge as well as store my AIs within their system.

(Baron): And why are we letting you live here free of charge again?

(Nitsuj): Because you burnt my house down and two, I can do this.

*Nitsuj dials a number on his phone*

(Nitsuj): Hello, Heinz, your brothers burnt down my house and sexually harassed Seras.

(Seras): It’s true!

*Corbin snatches the phone away from Nitsuj*

(Corbin): Wrong number!

*Corbin ends the call*

(Nitsuj): There’s also the fact that if you don’t let me live here I’ll have the AI girls beat you to a pulp and then hand you over to the Reaper who would be more than happy to express his discontent with you guys for leaving him in the house to burn to death. Now what say you?

(Baron): Welcome to casa Jack. Our home is your home.

(Nitsuj): Thank you. Now since you guys were so nice to open your home to us it’s only fair that I do an arc I know you guys will like. Welcome to the Fanservice arc. Throughout the month of August I’ll be taking a look at animes that are heavy on fanservice. If we’re talking about ecchi anime one studio that comes to my mind is Arms. Arms is a studio that’s not well liked in the anime industry. They make some good hentai but in terms of anime, here’s a quick rundown of some of their well-known titles: Ikkitousen seasons 2 and 3, Queen’s Blade, and Sekai de Ichiban Tsuyoku Naritai. As you can see, not the best list. While they may turn out a gem like Elfen Lied and Aesthetica of a Rogue Hero once every blue moon, their anime for the most part isn’t all that good. Case in point, Valkyrie Mermaid. Coming out in 2015, Valkyrie Mermaid is what I can only describe as a yuri anime that should have been a hentai. This anime was one third of a major project called Valkyrie Drive which would follow the story of girls with mysterious powers. The first part was Mermaid, the title of the anime that we’ll be focusing on today followed by Bhikkhuni which would be a game on the PS Vita, and then finish up with Siren which would be a cellphone game. The series as a whole really didn’t go anywhere and after watching the anime I can understand why and so will you. Let’s take a look at Valkyrie Mermaid.

Opening and Ending Theme

The opening is “Overdrive” by Hitomi Harada. Now, I have to admit this was a pretty legit opening. It was hands down one of my favorite openings in 2015. Hitomi sounds great although she seems to have trouble hitting those high notes (I think I heard a voice crack once or twice) but other than that it’s a great song. I love the guitar and the hype this song has is amazing. The ending is “Ultra Super Hyper Miracle Romantic” (that is tongue twister) sung by Mikako Izawa & Yuka Iguchi who are the VAs of our two main heroines. Despite the hilarious title this song is also good and catchy. It’s very fast paced and fun-loving which is the state our main heroines would like to always be in. While the ending may have seemed inappropriate as the series nears the end there’s no doubt this happy go lucky song made you feel better.

Episodes 1-4

The anime opens up on an island where one of our main characters Mamori voiced by Mikako Izawa explores trying to figure out what’s going on (well apparently, you’re in an Arms anime so expect to be thrown into a lot of fanservice situations). She has a flashback to her childhood where she overheard her parents upset about her being an irregular. What’s an irregular you ask well the episode doesn’t explain it but here’s what they are. Apparently in this world girls have been diagnosed with a mysterious virus known as the A-Virus (aka Armed Virus) a virus that turns girls into weapons and only girls who are compatible with them and have the A-Virus can use them (everybody seems to enjoy copying Soul Eater’s concept). People with the A-Virus are split into two classes: Exsters (those who have the power to transform) and Liberators (those who have the power to wield Exsters). Because this virus is dangerous girls who have it are bought to an island where they can be studied and kept safe which is what happened to Mamori. When she reached high school some men in black suits came and took her away (right in front of everyone). After exploring the island a bit, she gets approached by a C-class team who have come to find out if she’s an Exster or a Liberator and we see how Exsters get turned into weapons, sexual arousal (Corbin: Show us the smut. *Nitsuj turns around to see the Jack Brothers* (Nitsuj): Where did you guys come from? (Baron): We felt powerful smuttery at work and came to check it out. And I’m glad we did). The Liberator sexually arouses her partner and her partner transforms into a gatling gun/ grenade launcher to attack. But just before they can attack another new arrival appears on the island and saves Mamori. This is our second main character Mirei voiced by Yuka Iguchi (Mea from To Love-Ru Darkness) a skilled fighter who doesn’t talk much and is very protective of Mamori. After they both get blasted by a grenade they kiss (Baron: This is so hot) and Mamori transforms into a sword for Mirei to use where she’s able to beat the C-class fighters and escape with an unconscious Mamori on her back (the best part is she can’t say no). As the two travel through the jungle they enter a den of snakes where surprisingly the snakes don’t attack them (say what now?). Yep, they just stare at Mamori’s butt and let them pass through (Snake: The assssss may passssssss). After that they arrive on the other side of the island where they spot a facility which resembles that of Disney Land’s Castle (I guess Disney wants to expand their territory). They enter the facility where they get put into a match against an A-class team with one of them being a sadist and the other a masochist. The masochist transforms into an arm buster and at first Mirei just keeps dodging their attacks while keeping Mamori safe but when she finally has no choice she deep kisses Mamori, rubs her thighs, and rubs her bare breast with her bare breast (Corbin: I am so aroused right now). They then take the A-class team and beat them in a fiery explosion (are they still alive? (Baron): Who cares they were side characters).

In episode 2 Mirei and Mamori get knocked out shortly after their victory (well their hype was shortly lived) and wake up in different areas. For Mamori she wakes up in a comfy bed while Mirei gets chained up in the basement and tortured by that C-class team from earlier (I’m sensing a bit of favoritism here). Mamori gets told that she’s on island Mermaid and that she is a weapon who must fight. Of course she doesn’t like violence and despite being told her situation still acts like an idiot. But it doesn’t matter because tomorrow is her wedding to find a Liberator for her to be compatible with (Baron: Please say you guys allow polygamy). The next day comes around and Mamori goes to her wedding where her groom is an A-class Liberator who readily wants to test their compatibility in the bed (wow, usually it’s the guy who moves too fast). Mirei escapes thanks to a new character named Mei Fong and rescues Mamori from the A-class Liberator by knocking her out (well that’s one way to object a marriage). They escape and fly somewhere far away from the Disney palace where we find out that Mamori is actually older than Mirei (that defies all logic in the world).

Episode 3 opens up with Mamori and Mirei getting picked up by Mei Fong who’s going to deliver stolen goods to some refugees on the island. Along the ride Mei Fong explains to them that the island is controlled by this organization known as Welter who try to make all the residents of the island bow to their will in order to protect them and provide them goods (you call being bought to an island and forced into a life or death battle safe? I hate to see what you call danger). The leader of Welter is this guy named Akira who is the only male on the island (and even than I think he wears lipstick) and the two commanders Charlotte and Kasumi who kind of serve as the wardens. Kasumi is more level-headed and tries to work things out peacefully while Charlotte enjoys forcing people to submit to her will (Corbin: And with a body like that I gladly submit to her). Akira says he wants to show his superiors that the girls are safe in the hopes of returning them to normal society (but let’s be honest that’s just him spouting bullshit. He’s up to something). They arrive at the refugee camp where we meet big sis Torino who allows Mamori and Mirei to stay (don’t be surprise if she ask you to sleep with her). Back at Welter Kasumi and Charlotte find out about the missing goods and Charlotte using her authority orders Kasumi to find the culprit and punish them. Using a tracker hidden in the goods Kasumi and Charlotte find the refugee camp and order the person who stole the goods to reveal themselves (or we’ll burn this place to the ground). Since Mei Fong left in order to hide her identity Mirei takes the fall for her and gets tied up in rope (bondage play. Something Arms is very familiar with). Mamori comes out calling Mirei an idiot for trying to do things alone and they begin to make out with each other (Baron: Oh yeah. Is there anyway we can throw some fruit into the mix? (Nitsuj): It’s not an interactive anime. Fruit? (Baron): Don’t question my fetishes). This allows Mamori to turn into a sword and they have a quick fight with Charlotte where they easily break her weapon much to her surprise but they get taken out by Kasumi. Just when it looks like they’ll have no choice but to surrender in comes Yuri Rider to end the episode.

At the start of episode 4 we find out that Yuri Rider are the team of Rain and Lady J (Baron: Whose boobs are as big as my head. (Corbin): I wonder if I can pull a rabbit out of them?) aka Lady Lady who are high ranking fighters on the island (and hardcore lesbians) but they rarely follow the rules and just do whatever they want. Once again Mirei tries to give herself up and Kasumi is all for it but Charlotte wants to punish her and orders the soldiers to shoot her. Rain kisses Mirei where we see just like Lady J she too is an Exster and transforms into a rail gun/sword (well it makes more sense than the gunblade). Mirei takes out all the soldiers and Lady Lady take on Charlotte and Kasumi where they all get stopped by Akira who comes in and says the real perpetrator isn’t here and got away from him (oh please like any girl would try to escape you. The scissors dance might be hot but sometimes girls need to get down with the pogo stick if you know what I mean, He apologizes to Mamori and tells everyone to retreat leaving Mamori and Mirei to stay with the refugees. After this despite knowing nothing about him in the least Mamori has fallen for Akira claiming him to be her prince and covers her room with his posters (good lord you haven’t known the guy for more than a minute and already you’re all over him. You really are a shallow teenage girl). That night Charlotte had two of her guards stay behind to capture Mamori and use their illusion powers to get Mamori alone in the forest and make her believe she’s making out with Akira when really she’s masturbating (not gonna lie this is somewhat arousing. (Corbin): The whole anime is arousing). Just before Mamori is bought to the point of ecstasy Mirei comes in to take hold of her and after escaping her illusion (which was her getting gang raped by mud people. (Baron): This is new) she defeats the guards and sends them back to Welter.

Episodes 5-8

Holy. . .holy mother of God. This episode. . .don’t watch it censored otherwise you be blinded by the bright white light. I’m not joking. About half of this episode in the censored version is nothing but white light. This episode focuses on a new character named Nimi an exster and her liberator and friend Noe. Much like Mamori the two were just average school girls (who were secretly a couple) until one day they got abducted and sent to the island for having the A-virus (can’t you be subtle about the whole abducting thing? You can’t just go around abducting people at random. Exercise subtlety). When they try to see if they’re a good pair for each other Nimi doesn’t transform and Charlotte says that the two will be paired up with different people. Not wanting this and panicking Nimi left the castle where for some strange reason she became a giant (*The Jack Bros. have a massive nosebleed* (Corbin): It’s the motherland. (Baron): So that’s what Heaven looks like. *Both faint*). Kasumi investigates this and keeps the discovery a secret from Welter and instead takes her to the refugee house where they welcome her, eat fish, and go to the beach to have fun (so we’re not gonna question the 50ft girl?). The next day we see that Nimi has grown bigger and Mamori tells her to go and see Noe to tell her how she feels and apologize for leaving her behind. Nimi runs back to Welter (naked as the day she was born) where she causes a panic (ah~ Boobzilla! Boobzilla). We see that Noe refuses to accept a new marriage partner and as punishment was locked up in the dungeon by Charlotte (there is no doubt in my mind this whole place would fall apart if she was in charge) and she gets released by Mamori and Mirei where she runs to Nimi in the castle, calls her an idiot for leaving her behind, and the two hug to make up (be careful not to crush her). Once they make up Nimi returns to normal where we find out from Akira that Nimi and Noe are compatible with each other and Nimi’s power is growth, it just has a delayed time.

In episode 6 we see just how Mei Fong is able to steal from Welter easily and not get discovered by the guards. It turns out she has two people on the inside with one being an officer who forges the papers on inventory and the other being a guard who turns a blind eye to their thefts as long as she gets a cut of the money (a three-woman system who have developed a friendship with each other and live a pretty good life scamming people out of money. Huh? They’re the Ed, Edd, n Eddy of the anime). When Mei Fong gets told by her friends that there’s going to be a beauty pageant happening soon she tells them of a scam that will make them rich. Her scam involves getting Mirei to join the pageant and make a killing off of her when girls go to bet. After convincing Mirei to join the pageant with the prize being a big stuffed cat toy (who looks like the Cat in the Hat from Dr. Seuss if he was pink and high all the time) which Mamori happens to like Mei Fong and Mamori begin training her for the pageant (anything to get inside Mamori’s skirt eh Mirei?). The day of the pageant comes where after taken in all the festivities surrounding the pageant (i.e food stands, game stands, and haunted houses. (Corbin): What is this a school festival? Show us the smut already. That’s what we’re here to see) they go the pageant where after modeling in their outfits the voting begins (Baron: We don’t have a talent show or swimsuit portion? Worst. Pageant. Ever). The winner is shockingly Charlotte (hex! I call hex) where Mei Fong doesn’t believe it (I don’t blame her) and goes to confront her two associates where we find out they went into business for themselves and rigged the pageant to have Charlotte win in return for security and safety. Mei Fong seeks Mirei and Mamori on them where they manage to trap Mirei and Mamori in a magic trick (note to self, Mirei is weak when it comes to mind tricks) leaving only Mei Fong to fight. We find out that her liberator is money (she gets off on money? (Baron): That is so hot) which gives her a battlesuit however it costs her money to use it. She manages to beat her associates (it was a pleasure doing business with you) and as an apology gets that cat for Mamori. As for the pageant, Akiri reversed the decision and made it a no-contest.

In episode 7 we find out that Akira is actually a woman like the others (I knew it. No man could be stuck on an island with only women and not touch any of them. (Baron): It’s amazing how she was able to hide it for so long with those amazing watermelons. (Corbin): Those things are bigger then Torino’s breast). We find out that she’s a foreigner from a prestigious family who was diagnosed with the A-virus and told to pretend to be a man by her mother in the hopes that it would give her a sense of power on the island since she would be considered abnormal (and people are always attracted to abnormal). Her mother gave her an artificial exster and told her that she would find some way to save her and the others. The only person on the island who knows about her secret is Torino (well that explains why Akira allows Torino to do what she’s doing) and while the two are relaxing in a hotsprings by the ocean Mirei and Mamori come across them where Mamori is so turned on by Akira’s beauty that she actually transforms by herself (starting to see why Akira hides them). Akira and Mamori do seem to hit it off with each other quite well and become friends with Mirei as well. The next day a report goes live about a bunch of girls on probation kidnapping an officer and are holding her hostage in an abandoned mansion (which ironically is the place where Akira transformed into her true form). The girls demand separation from Welter but they still want to keep all the perks that came with Welter. Mei Fong leads Mirei, Mamori, and Akira to a secret passageway which will take them underneath the mansion where they spring out and attack the girls only to find out that the hostage they have is the ringleader (you just can’t trust no one). She uses some paralyzing spray on Mirei which makes her useless so Mamori and Akira kiss, Mamori transforms, and they take out the girls holding them hostage. Once they’re out Mamori goes to tell the officers on standby and Akira uses this chance to get her stuff and escape where Mirei sees all of it.

At the start of episode 8 Akira goes to Rain and Lady J’s hideout where she hires them to look into what she believes is the secret of Mermaid Island. Her only condition is that they bring Mirei and Mamori with them since apparently Mirei was forced to be a soldier in the outside world. Their investigation leads them to a cave where they find a secret manufacturing facility hidden beneath and get into a battle of life and death against this artificial Arm robot which has the same abilities as them. Mamori is too afraid to transform (of all the times to be useless she picks now) leaving only Mirei to fight it where she transforms into something I’m not entirely sure what it is. At first it seems like she has the upper hand but she gets stabbed and reverts back to normal where she’s about to get killed. Mamori steps in to protect her where thanks to her amazing bravery her powers heighten (this is known as Valkyrie Effect) and she becomes a whole new weapon which allows Mirei to defeat the robot and everyone escapes before the whole facility crashes down on them.

Episodes 9-12

In episode 9 a new girl has made it on the island. Her name is Momoka and she’s from the same group as Mirei (which means she’s bad news). Right away she befriends Charlotte and joins her team (and bed for that matter) and sees through Akira’s disguise (to be honest it’s not that good of a disguise when you get down to it). Momoka convinces Charlotte to challenge Akira to a duel using her where they expose Akira’s true gender to everyone and they’re shocked to see that the man they been having wet dreams about is a woman with big breast (Baron: Who is getting aroused by her exposure).

Episode 10 starts off with a flashback. We see a young Kasumi and her friend Hibiki who were new to the island at the time being chased by other girls (rape). Kasumi tried to fight them off but wasn’t strong enough to beat them and as a result Hibiki almost got killed. Luckily, Akira showed up to save them and bought them back to Welter where they would be safe however Hibiki became traumatized by this event so much that she locked herself in her room and refuses to come out. Kasumi soon joined Akira in his fight (or should I say her fight) to bring order to the island and eventually Charlotte joined. We return back to the present where Charlotte gets promoted as the new leader of the island (so we’re putting the person who enjoys abusing power, mistreats everyone, has no idea what they’re doing, what to do, and is unknowingly being used by others, in charge of our safety? How did this anime predict the future of America’s current presidency?) and quickly begins cracking down on everyone including arresting everyone at the refugee camp. She gathers up everyone for re-testing but really it’s just a cover for Momoka who’s working for this secret organization to find the one girl who has Valkyrie Effect. Mirei and Mamori infiltrate Welter to save the others where they find Akira and save her but get attacked by Kasumi who’s being forced to fight Mirei otherwise Momoka will hurt Hibiki. Mirei is once again forced to use that mysterious power which is dangerous to fight Kasumi (I don’t know it probably just shortens her life or something I don’t care). After Mamori gets Akira to safety she returns to Welter to help Mirei where she manages to help Hibiki escape the hands of Charlotte’s sex slaves and reunites with Mirei where she activates Valkyrie Effect and becomes a much cooler weapon to take down the sex slaves.

Alright so in episode 11 Mirei comes face to face with Momoka who used to be her old partner back in the day (the ex-girlfriends meet up again). A long time ago Mirei and Momoka were paired up as soldiers in this no name organization where Mirei refused to kill people and as a result was to be disposed of however a doctor faked her death and gave her a new identity to live out in the real world free from the organization (where no doubt she got hit-on by a lot of men and lesbians). One day when she was trying to save a girl she was discovered to have the A-virus, was sent to Mermaid, and met Mamori (where she got into a lot of perverted hijinks courtesy of Arms). Momoka was also to be disposed of but instead she gave her body to science where they toyed with it and turned her into what she claims to be a monster (you don’t seem like one to me. You’re kind of a slut but that’s another story). Now she wants to hurt Mirei for taking away her life. Momoka and other soldiers from the organization kidnap Mamori and Mirei and everyone is forced to retreat because of their injuries. Charlotte tries to get answers into what’s going on but instead gets smacked and told to shut up (bitch you don’t ask questions! Just do what I say, get my money, and make me a sandwich). They take Mamori and find out that she’s the one they’ve been looking for this whole time and Momoka has no intention of handing her over to anyone. After resting Mirei and Lady Lady team up to rescue everyone. They take out Charlotte and Mirei goes to face Momoka who has brainwashed Mamori with sex (you broke her already? Man, you work fast).

In the final episode it’s everyone that matters vs Momoka and her sex slave Mamori. We see that thanks to almost achieving 100% Valkyrie Drive with Momoka, Mamori has the power to absorb other people with the virus and does this absorbing everyone that matters and becoming stronger. While inside the subconscious of Mamori we see exactly what goes on, tentacle rape and lots of it (, this isn’t an anime this is softcore hentai). Mirei somehow escapes the tentacle rape (Tentacles: Nooooooooo~! That’s impossible~), finds Mamori, releases her and together they achieve 100% Valkyrie Drive fusing together to form one perfect being. With the help of everyone they manage to defeat Momoka and her cronies (I’m sure they have names but in all honesty I don’t care about them). The combined Mamori and Mirei (Mamirei? Mirmori?) than kiss Momoka (boy they are just ending this season on a lesbian note aren’t they?) and then proceed to rid her of the A-virus in fact they do that for everybody on the island. As the credits roll ships come to pick up the girls and send them home however Mamori and Mirei don’t join them but instead decide to travel the world with Lady Lady and Mei Fong to help out others who have been infected with the virus.

We got a series of short specials which were basically more fanservice so if you want some to see some more fanservice go ahead and watch them.

Final Thoughts

So that was Valkyrie Mermaid and . . .it gave me everything I expected. While not good it’s not awful either. The story is interesting, there’s one or two good fight scenes, a few scenes that get a laugh out of me, and well executed fanservice, the rest of the anime just doesn’t hold up. The characters are kind of bland and we never really develop them all that much. For example, they never give an explanation as to why Mirei cares so much for Mamori. It’s obvious that Mirei has deep feelings for Mamori but why? What’s the connection? Did the two meet sometime in the past and only Mirei remembers her? The plot doesn’t really start to move until the last few episodes and it’s pretty rushed out. The music isn’t all that memorable and the animation is lackluster. In the end, the series falls into the same category of Queen’s Blade. It’s fun to watch at the moment but later on you’ll realize it’s a stupid series and quickly forget all about it. Except for the fanservice, that stuff will stick with you forever and maybe a character you liked.

Final Score

My final score for Valkyrie Mermaid is a 4.5/10. While an interesting idea for a series there’s really nothing that offers staying power or leaves a lasting impression on the audience. Which pretty much sums up a majority of Arms animes. Thanks for reading and stay tune because the Fanservice arc continues next time on Project Nitsuj. I think you all know what’s coming next.

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