Hello and welcome to Project Nitsuj. Well seeing as we’re near the end of the Demon Lord arc I think it’s fair to do a quick review of the different demon lords we’ve seen so far. We started by seeing a demon lord accept his destiny, a demon lord being a better hero than the actual hero, and a world where the demon lord no longer exists. This week we’re gonna be looking at an anime showing the benefits of having a demon lord around and the anime that’s gonna help me with this is Maoyuu Maou Yuusha. Maoyuu Maou Yuusha when translated means Demon King and Hero and follows the story of a demon lord and hero who work together to bring peace and prosperity to the world. It’s an 8 volume light novel written by Mamare Touno in 2010 and ending in 2012 with 5 ongoing mangas of the series out there written by Mamare Touno as well (geez the man’s a writing demon. He puts me to shame). In 2013 the anime studio Arms the one studio I never would have thought in a million years would put their hands on a series like this decided to turn the interesting light novel into an anime. As if that wasn’t odd enough here’s a bit more oddness for this series. The director of this series Takeo Takahashi is also the same guy who directed Spice and Wolf and the script writer for this series Naruhisa Arakawa also wrote the script for Spice and Wolf. We are dealing with a lot of oddities in this anime folks. Let’s close the final curtain on the demon lord arc by taking a look at Maoyuu Maou Yuusha.
Opening and Ending theme
The opening for this anime is “Mukaikaze (Headwind)” by YOHKO. This was one of my favorite openings from 2013. I like the instrumental and build-up it has. It starts off with faint violins, than a piano kicks in, followed by a choir humming, and finally the main singer makes her appearance. The song continues to build up until the very end when it calms down and fades away perfectly. I really like that. The singer YOHKO is also good however she does seem to have trouble hitting those high notes a little so her voice kinda cracks a little but she’s still singing well and it didn’t really bother me that much. This is one of those openings I never found myself skipping over. The ending is “Unknown Vision” by Akino Arai. The song is just beautiful, that’s the best word to describe this song. The song can be split into three parts. The first is nothing but the instrumental controlling the song while the singer sings softly in the background. That part goes on for 30 seconds. The second part is the singer taking control of the song with the instrumental supporting her perfectly and the song’s final part comes in the last 30 seconds when both the singer and instrumental are working in harmony. Neither one is dominating and both are supporting the other as a way to show one of the themes in the anime.
Episodes 1-4
The anime starts off in a typical RPG middle earth like setting with a brief history of the war going on between humans and demons. We’re told quickly that humans and demons have been fighting each other for 15 years with skirmishes and large scales battles happening on both fronts with losses on both sides. Amongst this age of war a hero has risen from the ashes and along with his 3 companions they have broken into the demon realm and established a solid foothold for humans to invade the demon realm. As the hero and his companions are advancing in the demon realm, the hero decides to go off to the demon lord’s castle by himself simply because his companions are moving too slow for him (his companions must have low speed stats). He makes it to the demon lord’s castle (really, no obstacles or challenges blocking his way? You think the demons would protect their stronghold and leader better than this) where the Hero voiced by Jun Fukuyama (Liberta from Arcana Famiglia) sees the demon lord and charges at him only to see that the demon lord is a woman a big breasted well-mannered woman voiced by Ami Koshimizu (Himari from Omamori Himari. Wanna add some salt and pepper to this anime of oddness? Jun and Ami also played Lawrence and Holo in Spice and Wolf. Why is this anime so odd? Don’t get me wrong the director and script writer are good at what they do, Ami is one of my favorite female voice actors, and Jun has voiced some pretty cool characters in the past so I have nothing against these people but to actually see the same group of people come back together for a totally different anime that is almost similar to a previous anime I reviewed is just weird. In fact even the animation is similar to Spice and Wolf. Were the big wigs of Arms just walking through a studio, saw the team of Spice and Wolf, and said to themselves “yeah, we’re way too perverted to make Maoyuu Maou Yuusha let’s have these guys make it for us”. It wouldn’t surprise me if this is what happened). So the demon lord (or demon queen for you feminist out there) going by the name of Maou (I’m gonna call her Ami) welcomes the hero (who I’m gonna start calling Jun seeing how he has no name in the first place) to her castle. Rather than fight him she instead wants to marry him because she loves him (do it man! Marry her). Naturally he refuses (dude! It’s Ami freakin’ Koshimizu! How do you turn down Ami Koshimizu!? It’s like throwing away a winning lottery ticket!) and starts talking about how demons are evil, possess politicians to do evil, and how they’ve destroyed the world and killed thousands upon thousands of humans (in defense of the demons the politicians do evil even without being possessed by a demon). But Ami rebuts his accusations by saying the only reason demons are seen as evil is because the world calls them evil, politicians make the excuse of being possessed to avoid facing charges against them, and just like demons have killed thousands of people, people have killed thousands of demons in return (wow impressive rebuttal). She continues by showing how this war has actually benefitted the world rather than destroyed the world by showing how the war has united the world, increased profit for all countries, caused a decrease in sickness, and even raised the population of countries and in her defense she’s right. We cut to a few scenes where people have benefitted from the war saying it’s united the world, famine and plaques have gone down hugely since the war started, poor countries are receiving funds and food all in the name of the war effort, and population has been increasing in countries all around the world (if only this were true in real life). She then talks about her dream of wanting to lead the world to a place where there’s no need for war in order for others to prosper and that she needs Jun’s help in order to reach that place because even though she has a nice body she lacks physical prowess (scene here: //youtu.be/yJdxyCMI7HM). After hearing and seeing all of this Jun finally agrees to help out Ami and they enter a contract with each other promising to give themselves to each other in sickness and in health.
In episode 2 Jun and Ami teleport to the countryside in a small farm village where their first step is teaching the people new farming techniques to keep the soil in their fields healthy all year around and have plenty of food for the winter. They buy a mansion up on the hill where we meet Ami’s right hand aide the Head Maid voiced by Chiwa Sato (Kokoa from Rosario + Vampire Capu2. Alright we’ll call the Head Maid Chiwa from now on. You know, with all this writing you think Mamare-sensei would take the time to give his characters names). Jun and Ami go the mayor’s house to propose their idea but he’s a stubborn man who refuses to listen to them (jackass) so Ami decides the best thing for the village is education to help them learn these new agriculture techniques and see how much they benefit their fields. That night as Jun and Ami are getting closer to each other (they’re at the lap pillow part of their relationship) and are about to kiss they hear a noise in the house shed (damn it the mood was perfect and everything). They go out to the shed and find two sisters who are escaped slaves (big sister is Haruka and little sister is Nao) using the shed as shelter from the rain. Rather than give the two over to authorities they decide to give them new clothes and food to eat as well as a place to sleep for the night. At first Chiwa doesn’t like them because of their attitude at endangering the people living in the mansion and not showing any remorse for their actions (she’s gotta point, I understand being a runaway slave and everything but even so you still gotta show respect to people helping you out). Naturally Chiwa tells them off and they apologizes whole-heartedly earning Chiwa’s respect and she hires them as maids for the mansion. Back on the education side of the village things are progressing slow but surely with expected results in the village to be seen within a year (too long make it shorter) but Ami doesn’t get discouraged because she has a trick up her sleeve to get the results she’s looking for faster.
In episode 3 months have passed and the village has adopted Ami’s farming strategy (aww~ *pulls up a screen to show the cyber wolves* sorry guys, attack is off *wolves begin whimper*. I know, don’t worry I’ll find you guys someone to maul soon). With the strategy working she and Jun go to Lake Nation (a subsidiary of the Fire Nation and Water Tribe from Avatar) where they hope to get the help of the Lake’s convent to help spread their farming strategy. They go to the convent and speak to the head nun who just happens to be Jun’s old traveling companion and someone who has a secret crush on him. So as you would imagine the tension is pretty high your secret crush comes out of the blue with a big-breasted lady who is technically married to him (yeah this has the formula for an explosion waiting to happen). While the tension is high Ami makes the excuse that she met Jun in the demon realm where he was injured from his battle with the demon lord and she nursed him back to health. As thanks he offered to be her bodyguard for a while. The nun (known for now on as Miyuki) tells Jun that his other companions the pervy old archer (Geoffrey) became a butler and the wise-cracking mage (Misato) went searching for him in the demon realm and hasn’t been seen since. After that Ami shows Miyuki her secret weapon: a potato (God how far back is this world?) showing and explaining all the benefits of it and how she wants to use the convent to help spread her farming strategy to other countries to help end hunger. Since Ami isn’t asking for any financial assistance and her plan fits perfectly with that of the convent Miyuki agrees with her plan and chooses to join her (huzzah). The first step, building a convent in the village to help spread the teaching to other surrounding countries near the village which Miyuki will be working from (this explosion is gonna have casualties greater than the eruption of Pompeii). As their leaving we see that Ami has another plan in the works which involves getting the attention of her rivals a group known as the Merchant Alliance guild a group of merchants who pretty much corner the market in wheat. They receive a dry compass as a gift from Ami which they find so beneficial and clever that they begin to work out plans to monopolize this great treasure and take out Ami if the need should arrive. Back at the village Jun begins to feel guilty about what happen to Misato so he decides to go back to the demon realm and search for her (sure, leave your wife in search of your other female companion I’m sure she’ll understand). Actually she does understand (although she’s still a little upset) and gives Jun a black suit of armor to hide his identity, a list of demon nobles he can trust, and a hit list of demons she wants taken out because they’ve been getting rowdy ever since she left. He gives her a kiss on the forehead (lower! Right beneath the nose and above the chin is where you wanna aim) and heads back to the demon realm to end the episode.
In the first half of episode 4 two merchants representing the Merchant Alliance arrive at the village to meet with Ami and assassinate her should the need arise (get ready wolves I might have found some fresh meat for you). Ami goes to meet them where she introduces them to corn a new food that the merchants can grow in the northern lands and sell increasing their profits. Excited by this opportunity and the fact that Ami is just asking for their help in funding her farming strategies they accept her proposition and leave happily (damn I was hoping to see what happen if they tried to assassinate her). In the second part six months have gone by since Jun left to look for Misato and Ami is growing more concern each day because she misses him (she’s like a girl who just her puppy or doll). But unbeknownst to her Jun has been using his teleportation skill to teleport back to the mansion on a regular bases behind her back (what the hell Jun? What the actual Hell are you doing?). He opens up to Chiwa and tells her that the reason he’s keeping his distance from Ami is because he wants to become useful to her and this is the best way he can think of becoming useful to her (you wanna be useful to Ami? Go sleep in the same bed with her). While that’s going on the southern nations are ordered by Central (the guys who pretty much give money to everyone in the name of war) to assemble a huge naval fleet and launch an attack on Aurora Island the only base in the human realm controlled by demons. We also see how Ami’s farming strategy has greatly helped the people in the south and advanced their technology (look, they have windmills now and the Prince of the Winter Nation believes that these new farming strategies will help lead the south to economic independence.
Episodes 5-8
Not much happens in episode 5. Jun arrives at Gateway City a city in the demon realm controlled by humans where the demons are treated as slaves and wants to liberate the city. The southern nation’s naval fleet gets destroyed by krakens, killing the Winter King and making the Winter Prince the new king of the Winter Nation where he vows to reclaim Aurora Island in honor of those who have died. The Winter Prince summons Miyuki to his side to help him with his mission and as she’s leaving Ami confesses to her that she’s the Demon Lord (Random woman: You sexist! (Nitsuj): Oh sorry I mean Demon Queen) and surprisingly Miyuki is okay with this, it turns out before Jun left he told Miyuki the whole story and begged her not to harm Ami. Miyuki leaves but before leaving she says that she has no intention of giving up on Jun (Ami: Oh I’m sorry do you have a contract with him. No, I didn’t think so) and become friends with Ami (you’re being friends with the person who stole the guy you like? Women). Later on the village is having a New Year’s dance and Ami decides to stay home alone since she still misses Jun and it’s a good thing she stayed home because Jun has returned and everything. She begins to pummel him with a pillow for disappearing for a year without seeing her (//youtu.be/iFjoV5MZWYI?t=11s) but the two get over it and decide to dance in the mansion where the mood is right, they’re alone, and they’re about to kiss until the festival comes to an end and they stop midway (damn it. Stop teasing me and kiss already). Thanks to the dance Jun now has an idea that will help him liberate Gateway City in one month and heads out learning that Ami is scheduled to help the humans reclaim Aurora Island and they make a promise to meet once again on the battlefield (alright their first date).
In episode 6 Ami makes her way to the frontlines where we see Geoffrey is actually a butler to the Winter Prince (teaching him the joys of breast and butts Geoffrey?). She arrives with carriages full of salt to enact a master plan to get the troops to Aurora Island. Building a bridge of ice and using the salt to hold the ice together (//youtu.be/l8o5fxnDUjs, she used basic knowledge to help us gain the advantage over our enemies. Clever, smart, sexy, and smexy girl). They fight off the demons and establish a foothold on Aurora Island and plan their next move. While that’s going on Jun is also making his move in Gateway City by scaring the ever loving shit out of the human guards making them want to leave the city. His plan works and the whole human army leaves the city saying they’re going to backup the Winter Prince as an excuse to leave (man Jun must of scared them good. I wonder how he scared them, //youtu.be/AecrVzs_Bi8?t=10s. AHHHHHHHH~ *gets up and jumps out a window*). So the human army leaves the demon realm just at the same time the demons are retreating from Aurora Island except for their leader who takes Miyuki on in a one on one battle where she beats him in flawless style (//youtu.be/FfvTXACPv30?t=4s). Jun reunites with the humans and he joins their celebration for reclaiming Aurora Island.
A lot of things happen in episode 7 but at the same time not much happens in this episode. First off months have gone by and we find out the Winter Prince has approved his ranking greatly thanks to the help of one of Ami’s students that she sent him. Next, new inventions are introduced to the world such as soda being made by the little maid sister Nao (way to go little lady) and Ami introducing the printing press into the world which will help improve human education (and help spread pointless celebrity gossip that no one really cares about). In a funny bit Ami and Miyuki sneak into Jun’s bed at night and fight over who’s going to sleep with him where they work out a compromise and both share the bed with him (sleeping with two ladies, nice, //youtu.be/5nZnPoCvBds). While sleeping in the bed Ami tells Miyuki that she has to return to the Demon realm to renew her demon. . .queen’s license (yeah that license thing is a big deal. Which reminds me I gotta renew my reviewer license before it expires next month) and stop any nobles in the demon realm from rebelling and invading the human realm. The next day she leaves with Chiwa and gives Haruka a ring that will allow her to take the appearance of anyone she wants because she’ll be Ami’s substitute while she’s away. The episode ends with the Crusade commander (the one who got scared out of Gateway City) sentenced to death for cowardice in abandoning the city but he gets saved by the White King the king of the White Nation which is the neighboring country of the Winter Kingdom and is jealous over the Winter Prince’s success. The two decide to team up and plot revenge against Gateway City and the Winter Prince.
Not much happens in episode 8. Jun takes one of the merchants to Gateway City showing how humans and demons are getting along well within the city and they hold a banquet under the night sky with the demons and humans (it’s like Where the Wild Things Are only more mature, less sober, and actually makes sense to me). Jun tells the merchant the truth about Ami and offers to allow him the right to explore the city if he promises to help in her cause which he agrees to do. Back on Ami’s side of the story she finds and meets with Misato before going to her demon queen trial. We also see that Misato has like split personalities inside of her it’s almost surreal in its own way. Near the end of the episode the Winter Prince is visited by a representative of the church who tells him to hand over Ami saying her teachings are blasphemous by the newly elected Pope (and that was how corruption of the church began. And how the hell are her teachings blasphemous she just taught people how to farm better it be different if she went around telling people “hey your religion is a lie don’t believe it” I would understand why they would be after her then but she’s not saying stuff like that if anything she kinda encourages people to follow the church and believe in it. The church is literally attempting to kill her over potatoes and corn that have made life easier for people. Remind me again why you’re arresting this person?). The Winter Prince and Geoffrey go to her mansion and tell Jun and everyone what’s going on where Jun hatches a plan to have Haruka use the ring to disguise herself as Ami and give herself to the church where Jun will come to rescue her once she’s out of Winter territory.
Episodes 9-12
Episode 9 is hands down the best episode in the entire anime and the big sister Haruka’s defining moment in the anime. I’m being serious here all joking aside and everything. Haruka under the disguise of Ami gets arrested by the messenger of the church in front of the whole Winter kingdom but before the church takes her away they humiliate her by putting her in chains, kicking her to the ground, and begin whipping her back causing blood to just go flying all over the podium they’re on for everyone to see. Now here’s where it becomes epic. After getting whip Haruka gets back up and begins talking about her past and how almost all of her siblings died and turns this story into a speech about being human and having freedom. She tells the people that being human is being able to stand on your own two feet and proclaim to the world and yourself that you are a human who can think and act for yourself while trying to reach your true potential and tells them that humans have the freedom to choose their own fate and no one has the right to take it away from them, and allowing anyone to do that makes them insects. The speech is just amazing there is so much passion and emotion put into it and everyone is listening we see the look on everyone’s face and see in their eyes that they are amazed and inspired by this speech. Even when the messenger uses his staff to get her to shut up (twice) she still gets back up and continues her speech like nothing happened (scene here: //youtu.be/6qlFW62qYTo). Angered by this speech the messenger orders the crowd to stone her (//youtu.be/ghptL3rHoDU?t=3s) but instead the crowd begins throwing stones at him because they’ve been totally inspired by Haruka’s speech (and who can blame them that speech was epic. Her speech is going on my Top 11 Anime Speeches list). When one of the guards attempts to behead her the Winter Prince steps in and stops them saying that he along with his country will protect Ami and Miyuki calls the messenger and the Central Church a corrupt group and gives Ami the title of Saint. The messenger and his men flee vowing revenge against the people of the Winter Kingdom.
A lot of things happen in episode 10. The churches in the southern kingdoms separate themselves from the churches in Central thus freeing all of the serfs and slaves in the southern kingdoms (great). The merchant begins buying wheat from Central nobles with future contracts causing the price of wheat to go up as part of his plans. Yeah, it’s kinda hard to explain basically he’s forcing Central to eat out of his hands. He also gets approached by the dragon princess from the demon realm who wants to buy large quantities of salt from him (opening up a theater in the demon realm your majesty? Hey Ami introduced them to the printing press I wouldn’t be surprise if the next thing was operas, plays, or movies). Fearing a shortage of food from Central since they keep importing food from them, the southern kingdoms impose a tariff and taxes on exports to keep food for themselves. Central finally declares war on the southern kingdoms and Jun asks the Winter Prince to buy time before the battle begins so he can try to find a way to prevent a needless bloodshed between both sides (it’s a war man there’s always gonna be blood).
In episode 11 the Winter Prince and Jun get word that a demon army has made their way to the human realm with the intention to attack the south (why? I have no idea, all I know is that it has something to do with Haruka). Jun goes to the demon realm with the intent to stop them without actually killing them where he runs into the mage Misato and her multiple personalities. Misato uses her magic to teleport all the demons away and tells Jun to destroy the gate which he does with his lightning magic (is this guy overpowered as hell in this series or what?) and he flies down in the debris and pops out on the other side to the demon realm where he quickly finds out that the realms exist in the same world and that the gate was pretty pointless (okay a little confused by this but I’ll cross that bridge when it’s time). Misato tells Jun to hurry to the demon king palace telling him that Ami needs his help. He busts through the palace and meets with Chiwa who tells him that Ami has been taken over by the spirits of the previous demon kings and has ceased being the kind, loving, cute, intelligent, and funny person we’ve come to know and love. Thus it now falls on Jun to save Ami. While all of that is going on the Merchant and Dragon Princess go to meet up with one of Ami’s students in the south to talk about establishing a dual currency system since Central is releasing new coins. He also tells Ami’s student that he has plans on establishing trading with the demons and wants access to the salt mines on Aurora Island to give the demons all the salt they need. In another cool part of the episode the White King and Crusade Commander attack the Iron Kingdom because all the serfs of the White Kingdom have escaped to the Iron Kingdom to be free. The Crusade Commander leads the attack out numbering the forces of the Iron Kingdom greatly (fear not Iron Kingdom, for tonight, we dine in HELL). With the help of another one of Ami’s students who also received military training from Miyuki the Iron Kingdom is able to force the White army to surrender and take them in as prisoners of the city but the Crusade Commander escapes into the city and is on the loose. To finish up the episode we go on the war front where Miyuki is leading the Winter army and buying time by having the surrounding farmlands give food to the Central army letting them have their fill on food and giving the horses bad wheat that will make them sick (animal cruelty much).
In the final episode Jun is able to bring Ami back to her senses because of the simple fact she’s reunited with Jun after so long, is happy to see him, and she’ll be damned if a bunch of ghosts disrupt her reunion with her man (previous demon kings be damned). Back on the war front the Central army withdraws because it has begun to snow and they aren’t prepare for winter battle (are you freakin’ serious!? It’s the Winter Kingdom. Winter! Snow! Come prepared). In the Iron Kingdom city the Crusade Commander attacks Haruka believing her to be Ami (dude you need to get your eyes checked because there is a huge difference between the two) and attacks her but luckily Ami’s student comes in to fight him off and ultimately kills him. Back in the demon realm Ami emerges to address her power and show off her black knight (scene here: //youtu.be/yduwA2AygRw, are you entertained! Are you not entertained) and calls for a meeting of the clans in the future. After that nothing all that great happens. The merchants start selling potatoes in Central hoping to lean people more towards the side of the south, the Young Merchant tells the south he plans on trading with demons and the Winter Prince is in somewhat of an agreement with him and supports his goal, Miyuki and Ami re-confirm their friendship and love for Jun (Jun is going for the harem route), and we end with everyone having dinner together and Ami saying she loves the world.
Final Thoughts
This anime was amazingly good to watch. The anime has a lot of similarities with Spice and Wolf however this anime does a few things better than Spice and Wolf. For starters the story this time around is a lot more interesting and better to watch. I do like how the Demon King isn’t this overpowered creature who uses violence to solve everything but instead is an intelligent woman who resolves conflicts peacefully and reaching for a world where both demons and humans can be happy together. I also like how she has her moments where she’s quite funny and childlike wanting to be spoiled by the hero and stuff and I like how she develops a friendship with the hero’s female companion despite both of them having feelings for him. The hero is pretty good as well but at the same time he’s a flat character. The guy is pretty much overpowered and if he wanted to he could crush all of the Demon Lord’s enemies with just his powers alone but instead he chooses to trust her methods believing that they are right and reach for the same goal as her providing her support and doing the things he thinks will help her out the best. The other side character are a mixed bag. A majority of them are pretty much developed at the start of the series with a few of them going through any real change like Haruka’s character, Ami’s students, the Young Merchant and the Winter Prince’s character. A few other characters just get glanced like Misato. They never explain why Misato has 3 different personalities.
Another similarity this series has with Spice and Wolf is its focus on economics. Spice and Wolf was focused on microeconomics, Maoyuu Mau Yuusha focuses on macroeconomics so there’s a lot of talking and not a whole lot of action. Oh, we get a few action scenes here and there which are alright but for the most part we’re just be hearing a lot of talking and the characters working off of each other. So if you’re someone who prefers less talk and more action you’ll probably want to skip this anime.
Animation wise the anime is just beautiful to look at, the backgrounds are well-drawn and animated, the character designs beautiful, and the orchestra music is a fine addition to the anime. Again, fight scenes are alright, I did like the strategies that were used in the big battles to show that there’s more than one way to win a fight and also like how just about every character plays a role in the anime. If I had to name my complaint with this anime it would have to be the relationship between the hero and the Demon King. It’s not bad, it’s actually very good. I like how these two characters work off each other, you can tell that they really do care and love each other. The scenes where it just those two together and no one else is around is cute to watch. That scene of them dancing in the mansion together is one of my favorite scenes in the anime. While it’s a relationship I fully support I just wish we had a few more scenes where they interacted with each other like the two just sitting down and talking to each other about their childhoods, their parents, what they like/dislike, just getting to know each other better and deepen their relationship. Another problem I have are the time skips and inventions. We never really get to see how Ami’s techniques and teachings are put into practice because of the time skip. I get that it’s to save on time but still it would have nice to see a few of the affects her teaching is having on the world. The inventions are also a big mystery. Where exactly is she getting these inventions or how is she making these. She never really explains where or how she created them, they just pop up and nobody questions it. Outside of these complaints there are a few boring moments where you wish there was action but as I said before this is an anime that’s trying to reach a peaceful world without the need of violence. It’s not saying that violence is wrong it’s just saying that we shouldn’t make that are first choice and should instead try to reach a peaceful solution where both sides can be happy and not show prejudice because someone looks, acts, or thinks differently than us.
Final Score
The final score for Maoyuu Maou Yuusha is a 7.5/10. If you’re a fan of Spice and Wolf than check this anime out and if you’re looking a new spin on the whole hero and demon king story than I say check this anime out. In my opinion it’s probably the best story of its genre. Thanks for reading, I’ll see you next on Project- *doorbell rings* Excuse me for a minute.
*Nitsuj gets up and walks to the front door to open it.*
(Nitsuj): Yes?
*Nitsuj gets punched in the face which knocks him down.*
(Nitsuj): What the hell was that all of about?
(???): Hey dick, how ya doing?
(Nitsuj): Crappy movie director Uwe Boll? What are you doing here?
(Uwe): What am I doing here you ask? Well you see I got this list, a list that has the names of all these retarded critics who criticize my genius work.
(Nitsuj): That list must be quite long than.
(Uwe): Oh it is and on that list at the very bottom I have the name of some internet critic punk who thinks I’m worse than that prick Michael Bay and asshole M. Night Shyamalan. So I decided to put that punk at the top of list of critics I gotta beat up.
(Nitsuj): Oh come on. You’re gonna kick my ass just because I said Bay and Shyamalan were better than you. Which is true by the way and isn’t really saying that much.
(Uwe): Quit acting so innocent, how do you explain this letter I receive from you earlier this week.
*Uwe Bull tosses the letter to Nitsuj which says how much Uwe Bull’s movie sucks, how he’s a terrible cheap director who has no idea what he’s doing, and in the end is just a crybaby who can’t take criticsm.*
(Nitsuj): Well despite all of this being true I didn’t send this letter to you.
(Uwe): Really, than why is your email and home address on it?
(Nitsuj): Somebody forged this letter.
(Uwe): A likely story, *pulls off boxing gloves and rips his shirt off* get ready for a good ass kicking.
(Nitsuj): Oh God put your shirt back on, I just ate like an hour ago.
*Uwe Bull throws a punch at Nitsuj but he dodges it and answers with a punch to Uwe Bull’s chest.*
(Uwe Bull): Ohh~, a little fight in you. I like that.
(Nitsuj): Than get ready to fall in love.
*Nitsuj and Uwe Bull pace in circle looking for a chance to strike each other*
(Nitsuj): Hey look! Somebody’s doing a remake on Alone in the Dark!
(Uwe Bull): What!
*Nitsuj grabs his sword*
(Nitsuj): Quick sword drawing style: Divine requiem!
*Nitsuj draws his sword like a flash of light and strikes Uwe Bull in both of his arms and head. Before Uwe Bull can react to what happens he finds himself falling to the floor losing consciousness and hitting the back of his head on the floor where he passes out.*
(Nitsuj): *sheaths sword* That was for House of the Dead you cheap bastard. Be glad I only used the backside of my blade otherwise your body would have been split into four.
(Uwe Bull): Oh I wouldn’t know about that.
*Uwe Bull gets back up with a demonc black aura surrounding them and he transforms into a black creature with two golden horns popping from his head, wings on his back as black as night, green eyes feel with hatred, and fangs for teeth.*
(Uwe): To think I would be force to show this form to such a weakling like you. You should be honored.
(Nitsuj): Just what the hell are you?
(Uwe): I am the devil. I am destruction. I am death. I am-
(Nitsuj): A pain in my ass who is ripping off The Hobbit because he can’t come up with anything original.
*Uwe Boll appears before Nitsuj in the blink of an eye and slams him to the ground.*
(Uwe Boll): Your fate.
*Uwe Boll picks up Nitsuj and throws him to a wall.*
(Nitsuj): Hey Isis, please help at any time.
*Uwe Boll begins slamming Nitsuj’s head against the wall until he begins to bleed.*
(Nitsuj): Mira, Shizuku, Yin-Yang, I need some assistance.
*Uwe Boll picks Nitsuj up and tosses him in the air where Nitsuj comes back down only to receive a high kick from Uwe Boll that sends flying through a wall and into the living room.*
(Nitsuj): Chibi, you mind helping out a little.
*A message box pops up in front of Nitsuj.*
(Nitsuj): “Dear Nii-chan, went with Nee-chan and the others to take care of something in the outer rim at the request of Reap-chan. Will be back as soon as possible. Love, Chibi Isis.
*Nitsuj sees the date of when the message was sent.*
(Nitsuj): I should really start checking my email more than once a month.
*Uwe Boll comes to pick up Nitsuj by the collar.*
(Uwe Boll): What say you now jackass?
*Nitsuj spits on Uwe Boll’s face.*
(Nitsuj): I spit at your lousy attempt at trying to act scary.
*Uwe Boll smiles and begins hitting Nitsuj with a series of boxer punches while he laughs joyously. Nitsuj finally begins to fall to the ground barely conscious but Uwe Boll grabs him and pulls him close.*
(Uwe Boll): Now now, we can’t have you dying yet. You have yet to see my greatest work. For I am in the process of acquiring directing rights to The Last of Us. I shall turn that series into my grand masterpiece for the world to see. Making that little girl whatever her name is a slutty teenage girl. The main character a horny drug abuser, and the zombies shall be nothing more but horrible CGI render puppets with each one looking crappier than the other. The movie may get terrible reviews and be a bomb in movie theaters but using my tax laws I shall still make a fortune and you will have a front row seat at the premiere.
*As Uwe Boll begins to laugh Nitsuj begins to lose consciousness and wakes up in a dream where he’s in a foggy area and hears an important figure from his childhood calling to him.*
(???): Nitsuj~!!!!! Nitsuj~!!!!
(Nitsuj): Whose there? Who are you?
(???): Surely you recognize my voice for it is the voice that made millions stand on their feet!
*The fog lifts and Nitsuj sees the man calling out to him.*
(Nitsuj): No way! It can’t be! Ultimate Warrior!
(Ultimate Warrior): There is only one warrior and that is me~!
(Nitsuj): But how? I thought you were dead.
(Ultimate Warrior): No! The Ultimate Warrior can never die~! The media has lied to you about the results of my death for their own personal gain~! I had to return to parts unknown and fulfill the duties that is the Ultimate Warrior. But there is no time for that, Nitsuj, you mustn’t give in to the great evil that is Boll or the video game industry will suffer another great lost from his hands~!
(Nitsuj): But how do I beat him? His evil Hollywood powers are too much for me to handle.
(Ultimate Warrior): You have forgotten what I taught you, what I taught all the young warriors. The key to overcoming any great obstacle in your life is to have the heart of the warrior. The heart of the warrior isn’t something you see. It’s something you wanna feel, it’s something you wanna sense, it is the beating heart within you! Now look within your heart and hear out the cries of the warriors for they shall give you the power to overcome anything.
*Nitsuj closes his eyes and begins to glow yellow.*
(Nitsuj): Oh my God! Yes! I can feel it! I can sense my warrior heart! And not just mine but every else’s! They’re telling me to win. They’re encouraging me to fight! To not give up!
(Ultimate Warrior): Can you feel it Nitsuj! Can you feel the heart of warrior!
(Nitsuj): Yes! Yes! Jesus tap-dancing Christ yes!
(Ultimate Warrior): Than go! Unleash your inner warrior on those who stand away! And remember the spirit that is The Ultimate Warrior is always watching over you~! And don’t buy any Hulk Hogan products because he sucks~!
(Nitsuj): Yes. I will. And I won’t. Watch me Warrior, I shall make you proud.
*Nitsuj wakes from his dream and begins to glow yellow. This surge of energy pushes Uwe Boll back.*
(Uwe Boll): This…is new.
(Nitsuj): You almost had me Uwe Boll. I was about ready to give up. But now I remember. No matter how big or evil Hollywood or you may be. *Nitsuj rips off his shirt* You can never stop the spirit for those of us who like video games and you will never destroy the video game industry even with all of your shitty movies.
(Uwe Boll): Hmm~. You make a good point. So are you gonna let me direct The Last of Us movie?
(Nitsuj): Hell no I’m not gonna let you ruin that great series with your crappy cheap directing.
(Uwe Boll): Oh. Than die!
*Uwe Boll punches Nitsuj but his punch doesn’t faze him at all. Uwe Boll punches him again but it still doesn’t faze Nitsuj. Nitsuj begins to unleash his own series of punches on Uwe Boll which hurt him. Nitsuj than delivers a kick to the stomach which brings Uwe Boll to his knees and Nitsuj grabs his wings.*
(Nitsuj): Do you want to feel the pain of people all watched your movies?
*Nitsuj rips off both of Uwe Boll’s wings*
(Uwe Boll): AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH~!
(Nitsuj): Just like that only 100 times more painful. Now the horns.
*Nitsuj rips off both of Uwe Boll’s horns*
(Uwe Boll): AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH~!
*As Uwe Boll screams in pain he begins to return back to his human form.*
(Uwe Boll): How? How did you know my horns were my weakness?
(Nitsuj): I didn’t. I just wanted to hear you scream.
(Uwe Boll): Damn you! You sadistic bastard who the hell do you think you are!?
(Nitsuj): Me. I’m The Nitsuj and you’re the screw-up. FUS RO DAH!
*Nitsuj’s attack blasts Uwe Boll through Nitsuj’s house. The blast leaves a bit of wreckage in his house.*
(Nitsuj): *Breathing heavily* If you just got FUS RO DAH by Nitsuj. You might just be. . .a shitty movie director.
*As Nitsuj falls to the floor Uwe Boll gets back up beaten badly and barely able to stand but still wanting to kill Nitsuj.*
(Uwe Boll): It looks like you’ve running out of power.
(Nitsuj): Yep. But not out of tricks.
*Nitsuj pulls out a whistle and blows it. All of a sudden S.W.O.R.D appears before him growling at Uwe Boll.*
(Uwe Boll): Woah! Okay, nice doggies, nice doggies.
(Nitsuj): *Smiles* Destroy him just like he destroyed Blood Rayne.
*The cyber wolves begin to attack Uwe Boll as he screams out in pain begging them to stop. Eventually the wolves stop as Nitsuj calls them off and he drags Uwe Boll outside where he tosses him on the lawn*
(Nitsuj): Now get off my planet you piece of trash. Galactic punt!
*Nitsuj charges at Uwe Boll and punts him where he goes flying out of the Earth’s atmosphere and into space.
(Nitsuj): That. . .kicked. . .so much ass.
Nitsuj returns back to normal, returns to his house and is pounced on by the cyber wolves as they lick his body tickling him.*
(Nitsuj): *laughing* Yes yes I’m alright thanks to you guys. I told you I find you someone to maul.
(Chibi Isis): Nii-chan!
*Chibi Isis comes flying in and hugs Nitsuj*
(Nitsuj): Hey! There’s my girl, I heard you went out.
(Yin-Yang): Geez, what happen here?
(Shizuku): Have you been partying while we were away?
(Nitsuj): Oh yeah, there was blood, bodies being thrown, and the demonic hell spawn Uwe Boll trying to kill me. By the way, thanks for telling me you guys went out. How about telling me face to face next time.
(Mira): You can whine later right now we have-
*Nitsuj sees Isis and Seras unconscious and badly injured*
(Nitsuj): Isis! Seras? She was still alive?
(Mira): Yes. It’s a long story.
(Nitsuj): That can wait. Get these two into the system. I’m right behind you guys.
To be continued in The Entity Part 6
*All images, videos, and music do not belong to me and belong to their respected owners*
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