What’s up? Shizuku here and welcome to Project Nitsuj. Seeing as how the boss has gone off on a journey and left us in charge of the show for the time being I guess it’s my turn to do a review and today we’re talking about Super Mario. Hands down the most famous videogame character of all time Mario has had major success on home consoles. Cinema wise not so much. We all know (or at least pretend not to know) about that bomb of a movie that came out in the 90s but what if I were to tell you there was another movie about the Super Mario series out there (//youtu.be/5v80IwjpGw8)? Yep, back in 1986 Kyoto Animation (Full Metal Panic and Amagi Brilliant Park) took a crack at the Super Mario series and made a movie based off the first game in the hopes of cashing in on the glory called Super Mario Bros.: Peach-Hime Kyushutsu Dai Sakusen. This movie is considered the first movie based off the series with the original reviews for this movie left unknown but according to the reliable folks at IMDB the movie received a 5.7/10 making it slightly better than the American version. Is this version better than our version? The answer is obviously yes but for laughs let’s check it out. This is Super Mario Bros.: Peach-Hime Kyushutsu Dai Sakusen.
The movie starts off interesting enough with Mario voiced by Toru Furuya (Yamcha from Dragonball Z) playing the Famicon (or the NES for you non-Japanese people out there) and a game of some kid who looks like Ness running away from school supplies trying to kill him (huh? So this is what Mother 1 was like). His brother Luigi voiced by Yū Mizushima tries to get his attention but fails and goes to bed. As Mario continues to play, the game where it just shuts down on him (glad to know it wasn’t us who got screwed back than) and comes back on where we see Princess Peach voiced by Mami Yamase being chased by Bowser’s minions. Through unexplained circumstances Peach somehow winds in Mario’s living room as do the rest of the minions (okay when game characters start appearing in front you. . .it’s time to keep on playing) but in a cloud of dust Mario manages to beat them and protects Peach. However, he has no luck with Bowser voiced by Akiko Wada who comes through to catch Peach while our brave hero too afraid to fight him gets pounded and Peach gets kidnapped crying out for help. Bowser takes Peach back into the TV with Mario still stuck in reality. Luigi hears all of the commotion (none of the other stuff woke you?) and Mario explains to him what happened but he doesn’t believe any of it and goes back to bed (scene here: //youtu.be/QSbME1HyC1w).
The next day we see that in this setting the brothers are grocery store owners (really!? You couldn’t get that right? Sure the American version was shit but give them credit they at least made them plumbers) and Mario is still thinking about Peach (take it from me Mario, that girl is nothing but trouble). All of a sudden a dog (which I think is wiggler before it became official) comes in and snatches Peach’s necklace from Mario. Mario and Luigi chase after it (sure don’t lock up the store. Let’s just leave it unattended for robbery) and go down a pipe to arrive in the Mushroom Kingdom which is under attack by the Koopa Kingdom. They get told by the Mushroom Hermit (the Gandalf of this series) that they must rescue Peach by Friday the 13th otherwise she’ll be forced to marry Bowser (and then Jason will rise up from the dead and go on a massive killing spree where teens make every dumb mistake in the book). Before leaving the Hermit tells them that in order to defeat Bowser they must obtain the Triforce (*chuckles* oh I am gonna burn this fucker to the ground). They must obtain a mushroom, flower, and star (well at least they didn’t screw it up entirely. It’s still stupid though). So they head out on their adventure (Mario wanting to save Peach and hopefully get laid. Luigi, to get rich. Our heroes everyone). The Goombas trick Luigi into eating some laughing shrooms and Mario gets picked up by a giant paratroopa (paratroopas aren’t that big) who plans to feed him to her babies but instead befriends the babies and stays in the nest where Luigi and Wiggler join him. Looking up Mario spots the mushroom and manages to get it where they fall out of the nest and get a bunch of coins which turn into toads (Mario coins are made of mushrooms~). One of the coins turns into Toadette (who is taller than both the Mario Bros. Damn! What fertilizer have you been in girl?) and she hands them the mushroom of the triforce (//youtu.be/VvHHkloYPQE, if there gonna rip-off Legend of Zelda I might as well join them).
So the brothers continue their adventure (I should also mention there’s this weird song playing all throughout their travel that makes little to no sense. It’s literally the only song in this movie. That should give you an idea on what this movie’s budget was) where they get tricked by the Goombas again and enter a flower garden full of piranha plants. They escape and their owner a lakitu attacks them but Mario scares him off and defeats the spinies after stealing his cloud which then turns into another Toadette (this one is regular size) and gives Mario the flower of the triforce (//youtu.be/xISEnAhfynI). After more traveling they come to a cave filled with gold (it’s a trap you idiots) and get locked inside by the Goombas (//youtu.be/inurD24S944, that cave was forged by Lucifer himself) and they have a Hammer Brother watch them. They manage to escape and defeat the Hammer Brother but Luigi discovers that all the gold he collected isn’t gold at all it’s just rocks so he throws them into the sea which was bad because the bagged contain the star of the triforce. Mario and Wiggler jump into the sea and retrieve the star (//youtu.be/qQYuxvtSToE) and manage to defeat that puff fish and a Blooper. Using a sunken ship they pick up Luigi and fly to Bowser’s castle (how is the ship flying no idea, I’m just gonna say it’s the star. But I have good news we’re almost done and they actually had budget to add in another song). At Bowser’s castle the wedding ceremony (if you want to call it that. This whole think looks like some kind of shotgun tribal sacrifice ceremony. I make a joke but I’m afraid I’m gonna piss someone off). After dodging all the traps, we get the big climatic fight between Mario and Bowser where Mario swallows up the triforce and owns Bowser (Super Mario 64 style). With Bowser defeated the Mushroom Kingdom returns to normal and Mario receives a kiss for his efforts. Then the movie gives us the middle finger by cockblocking Mario. Despite everything that Mario has done to save Peach instead of the two ending up together she instead decides to marry the wiggler who turns out to be a prince from the Flower Kingdom and Peach’s real fiancé since they both have the same necklace and according to prophecy they are destined to marry each other and what does Mario have to say about all of this? Nothing, he just leaves wishing Peach nothing but happiness (fuck you).
Final Thoughts
Okay that was pretty bad. Besides the movie not really having that much of a budget, getting a few aspects from the game wrong, and confusing the game with the Legend of Zelda this movie has a bad ending that pisses you off. I mean seriously, the wiggler gets Peach in the end and Mario is okay with this. Did you guys even play the game? The personalities are a little off as well. Mario is good, the fearless hero going to save the princess but Luigi is kind of a douche who only cares about getting rich on this journey. Also, why are they grocery store owners? Come on, how do you screw that up? They got the villains right. Their evil, mischievous, and causing trouble for our heroes so no complains there. The Mushroom Kingdom is alright. It feels like an alternate world but I do think they could have done more with the kingdom. The music is repetitive as they play only one song throughout the movie, use another song for just one scene, and any of the other music you hear comes directly from the game.
Now with all these bad things I will say I like this movie better than the live action one. Despite the faults and the mistakes this one was at least trying. It does feel like a fantasy adventure and did it’s best to represent the series the best it could. It failed at a lot of spots but when you compare it to the live action version you can tell that the people at Kyoto were trying and had a better understanding of what they were working with as opposed to the people working on the live action version who were just trying to make a quick buck and didn’t put any effort into this movie whatsoever.
Final Score
The final score is a 5/10. This movie is better than the live action one but that doesn’t make it a good movie. Personally, I think you’re better off playing the videogames and reading the comics than watching this movie but if you want to check it out and get a laugh out of how ridiculous this movie is go ahead and check it out. Just go in telling yourself it can’t be worse than the live action version. Well that’s it for me. Have a good week and I’ll you next time on Project Nitsuj.
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